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Topic: help for the girl who was "never getting married" ?  (Read 9921 times)
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« on: March 17, 2006 07:41:22 AM »

okay, so... I've never thought about a wedding (at least not until I started lurking on this forum a month or so ago) and I have no idea what I want. I keep running into the old traditions and getting confused on what I really HAVE to have. I mean, this is our wedding, we can do whatever we want, right?

here's a little background info...

right now we're both 21. we've been together (in one form or another) for about 2 and a half years... we're officially been together for almost a year (our anniversary is may 5)... he proposed to me while we were in texas visiting his family (we currently live in oklahoma) and we plan on getting married in texas... we're thinking september of 2007. so yeah, I have about a year and a half to plan but I'm a terrible procrastinator!! plus, I want to get into the spirit of this whole being engaged thing.

the few things I thought of.... I want cheesecake instead of wedding cake... and my reception dress is going to be a swing dress and we'll have this whole rockabilly theme going. (it's easier to plan the party then the actual wedding huh?)

we've announced the engagement to pretty much everyone but my parents (I want to tell them in person while he's with me... currently we live an hour apart and I see him once a week... but we're moving in together in june) but I was wondering... do we have an engagement party? should we send out announcements? or should we wait til the wedding is a lot closer??

any advice on anything would be great as I'm pretty much clueless even after reading so many threads on the subject. as far as the invitations and such I have some ideas... and the more we talk about it, I'm sure we'll land on a theme... I really just need a timeline of when I'm meant to do things, if that makes sense. and whether I should have two reception parties? (such as a luncheon for the older folk and then a party for the rest of us?) I dunno. HELP?

« Reply #1 on: March 17, 2006 08:25:25 AM »

Wow thats a lot of stuff to consider Smiley I just got married in November, and I was in a similar boat--I always thought I would get married, but I didn't want all of the traditional stuff. I ended up with a semi-traditional wedding. Held in an indoor nature conservatory, not a church, my dress had no lace or ruffles, but had details in red embroidery, we had a wine ceremony instead of a unity candle. I made our invitations myself using my computer and paper from paper-source.com (They were fabulous by the way--I got my order in 2 days and it was all correct!)

I would send out save the date cards, especially since you are having the wedding in a different state than you currently live. Usually they get sent out anywhere from 6-10 months beforehand. The tricky part is that you have to have your guestlist decided by that time because you can't exactly tell someone to save the date and then not invite them.

As far as the multiple receptions thing, you could do that if you wanted, but it might be hard to keep track of all the details for two different parties. If you have an afternoon wedding with a dinner/dancing reception, the people who don't enjoy the party scene will just leave after dinner, most likely.

We had a semi-formal afternoon reception that had appetizers, chocolate fountain and cake, instead of a plated lunch. The food was fabulous and everyone liked the variety, but it was served on small plates, which was not so fun. I wish I would have thought to ask about that ahead of time (I just assumed...)

Anyhow, I know it can seem overwhelming but everything will fall into place, you'll see. For us, we knew where we wanted to have it, and then I found a dress right away, and everything else (colors and such) made sense from there.
If you feel like looking, my pics are here: http://jthimagesolutions.com/mandy_tim.htm
« Reply #2 on: March 17, 2006 01:16:14 PM »

I always knew I wanted to get married, but I never really thought about the wedding. When I started planning, so many things didn't make any sense to me.
Before you do anything else, you should write down the things you want (like cheesecake) those will be the important things to make your day really special. Things like- where you want the wedding, how many people  you want there, what time of day you picture it at. Everyone always says it's the bride's day, you do what she wants, but you should get your fiance to write down what he pictures, too, and work together to get what you want together.
Anything you feel really strongly about, you should try and do (or not do). If you don't really care about it, but you find that your parents do, well, sometimes it is easier to pick your battles.
I think something else that helped me a lot was getting a couple of bridal magazines that appealed to me, and looking through them, and marking the items that I liked. It helps to give an idea of what you want it to look like.
Since all you really need are a license, and officiant and two witnesses, everything else is like icing on the cake.
« Reply #3 on: March 18, 2006 06:49:37 AM »

lucid501 - your dress and bridesmaids dresses are really pretty and simple. I like that Smiley
I'm trying to find something not white or even beige/cream/antique white if I can help it... I have this problem of looking TERRIBLE in pastels. I had to wear lavender for a friends wedding and it's just... gah. terrible. but my fiance's grandparents are very old-fashioned (and very close to him, he lived with them for part of his growing up) and I don't want to upset them by having a black dress (it's my best color? haha)... but I can't really think of any alternatives... I love dark turquoise and sage green (not together but you know what I mean) but I can't think of getting a colored dress and end up not looking like the bride! it'll be our day and people will be asking "wait, which one is she?" and then I'll cry.

I dunno, it's just very overwhelming, all the little details. not to mention that we both have a lot of other things going on. I just want to start the planning (at least on paper) so when we have time to devote to actually planning it won't be all up in the air. but I'll take the advice of picking what's important to me and making sure I have that.

about who we're inviting, that's tricky. we started talking about it on the ride back from texas (it's a nice long 8hr drive) and he kept mentioning more and more people... including a few people I don't like (and wish he wasn't friends with) I kept thinking "I don't want them at MY wedding" but yeah, it's HIS wedding too, and I guess if he wants them there, I have to compromise, huh? but everytime we told someone of the engagement, they were like "when's the wedding? am I invited?" and we hadn't even talked about that stuff yet so it was like "uh, yeah, sure"... but, what if we can't afford to invite them? I really dig myself into a hole sometimes...

thanks for the advice keep it coming!

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« Reply #4 on: March 18, 2006 07:11:10 AM »

Never been married myself, but most of my friends have been, so I offer some insites from the outside Smiley

-have you thought about having a two-toned dress?  If the bodice (or even the top of the bodice) was a dark colour that flattered you, and the bottom was white (or whatever), you'd have the flattering colour by your face.  You could use a shawl or some such thing for the same affect.

-if you tell people that at this point the wedding will be small and family only, it will get you off the hook of having to make decisions before you're ready.

-buy a wedding planner.  Doesn't have to be fancy or expensive, but it will give a timeline and lists of things for you to think about.  You may read the lists and think that you don't want to do/don't care about any of those things... and that's fine, but it's good to have at least thought about it.

-beans is right... all you really need is the liscence, officiant and witnesses.  But the officiants who are good at weddings, book up fast.  That is a really key thing for the tone of your ceremony, so you might want to decide that soon and get someone booked.  Seriously.  A friend of mine is a pastor who does a really lovely wedding (he does really lovely funerals too, but that's another story), and he's booked nearly every weekend of the summer. 

My only other advice... invest more into your relationship than you do into your wedding.  The wedding is one day.  Your marriage will frame your life.

Have fun Smiley

« Reply #5 on: March 18, 2006 10:03:53 AM »

-buy a wedding planner. 

As an alternative, become friends with www.theknot.com
Once you create a free account, it gives you free checklists of things that need done, as well as lets you keep tabs on your guest list and addresses and such all in one place. It worked well for me because anywhere I had a computer, I had that wedding info.

ETA: fioretta, you are gorgeous! Beautiful wedding pictures!
« Reply #6 on: March 18, 2006 06:46:17 PM »

I have no idea who is going to marry us. I don't even know where to look. we aren't getting married in a church and neither of us are religious. I've been to a wedding and a funeral where a minister mispronounced / said the wrong name and I'm kinda worried about that. has anyone seen the scrubs episode where carla's mom dies and decides that she wants to get married NOW not later... but then the minister has to ask turk to remind him what the bride's name is? yeah, THAT. (if you're not an avid scrubs fan you probably have no idea what I'm saying right now. lol)

as for photographers, my fiance's brother is a photographer as is my best friend/maid of honor. of course she can't take pictures during the ceremony. in fact a lot of our friends seem to be photo-enthusiasts, and I had snagged the idea (from someone on here) about giving everyone disposable cameras then developing them ourselves and mailing them the doubles.

fioretta -- your pictures are beautiful! you're very pretty Smiley


« Reply #7 on: March 18, 2006 06:50:20 PM »

Your city hall should probably have names of people who are licensed to officiate, and most of them will do civil ceremonies. It's also easy to 'ordain' a well-spoken friend or family member to have them do it. My fiance really wants his dad to officiate.
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« Reply #8 on: March 18, 2006 06:56:29 PM »

This is a cheesecake wedding cake from the cake bible. It has been covered with buttercream frosting. I have made it at home and turns out lovely and tastes great!



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« Reply #9 on: March 18, 2006 07:45:56 PM »

holy crap.... im coming to your house for cheesecake wedding cake!

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