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Topic: Ungrateful Gift Recipient  (Read 1620 times)
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bethntim
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« on: December 26, 2018 08:33:29 AM »


Maybe ungrateful isn't the word I was looking for.  Here goes...
It started very simply with the Grinch Scarf I posted, originally saved on my Facebook as a marker for myself.  I did not share it on Facebook and write "OK, who wants one???" but guess what?  The requests started flooding in.  I didn't answer anyone (even though so many people NNNEEEEEDDDEDDD one). 
I made one for myself for my Christmas party and was so stoked to wear it. 

#1-A former co-worker (we still work for the same company but I switched departments) cornered me and said how she absolutely needed this scarf because she volunteers at the children's hospital and what a hoot this would be and could I please PlEaSe PLEASE make her one?  I agreed and gave her the one I had made for myself.  Still with plenty of time to make another one for myself before my Christmas party

#2-My cousin (who I haven't seen in about 10 years) calls my mom and asks for my phone number.  Aww how sweet, she wants to reconnect!  NOPE, she texted me and begged me to make one for this lady at her church who has taken her and her husband under her wing and she has cancer and is precious, blah, blah, blah.  Can I pretty pretty please make one for her in time for Christmas (and mail it to her).  Fine, she offers to pay me for the yarn but I said Nah it's cool, make a donation to Toys For Tots (I already had the supplies and it's Christmas, yada, yada, yada).  She is so excited and purchases a toy and drops it in the bin.  Hooray!  As I'm cranking out another scarf the same cousin texts me and says she showed her co-worker and she needs one for her granddaughter and can I crank out another scarf (because they're so easy to make and I just do it while I'm watching TV) and that she will also make a donation to Toys For Tots.  What am I going to say?? No?? have a child go without a Christmas present because I'm being bratty???  So I agree, it's the Christmas spirit, this is what Christmas is all about, you know the drill.  Scarf #2 and 3 go out and make it to their recipients and hooray everyone's happy.  She lets me know when the package arrives and requests one more scarf for Christmas 2019 (now I'm feeling like the Grinch over these dang things)

#3-I've had 2 other former co-workers that co-worker #1 showed the scarf to that have requested one.  I can't charge them because I didn't charge #1 but I am really sick of these dang scarves.  I told them for Christmas 2019, let's just hope they don't hold me to it.

Everyone's happy-except me (the Grinch)

It's the day before my party, I'm out of yarn, pooped from making 3 scarves in about 6 days and don't want to go get anymore of that putrid green yarn.  No scarf for me.  Not a big deal
EXCEPT, the co-worker I gave the original scarf to now needs newborn hats for the Christmas season because the nurses at the hospital she volunteers at loved the scarf and are in demand of Christmas-y type newborn hats.  Again, do I say no?  NO, of course not!  It's newborns.  So I spend an entire Sunday crocheting 10 hats (out of my stash) for the littles to bring to work Monday. 

Am I the one being unreasonable and bratty??  It's sure beginning to look that way but the point of my RANT is: Does anyone else feel this was about sharing things you make (or want to make) on social media?  I'm almost to the point where I just flat out say no.  I don't ever want to be un-accommodating but at what point is enough enough? 

Sorry for the long post I just feel that people have the mindset that
#1-handmade things are easy to do
#2-I do it in my spare time so why not make more (BTW, the scarves take about 6 hours each to complete)
#3-craft supplies are free

If you've made it this far, thanks for hearing me out, I needed a sympathetic ear

Yours truly,
The Grinch

P.S.  I think I'm going to start sewing these onto my gifts

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geekgirl1000100
« Reply #1 on: December 26, 2018 08:47:29 AM »

I have learned to say no.  Even if it's for a good cause.  I do things for good causes that I choose.  I resent someone else trying to impose their good cause on me. 

Sure someone might volunteer to give me a token few bucks or buy a toy for tots but what if you asked them to give you 5 hours of their time?  They would have no problem saying no.  My time in no less valuable.

And you don't even owe them a reason but could always say you are too busy/ already booked up. etc.
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LadybugsAndBumblebees
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« Reply #2 on: December 26, 2018 05:34:21 PM »

I do not think you were wrong at all for feeling the way you do.  What I think was "wrong" is that people assumed you would make them one, and then continue to ask you for more and more and more. 

I'm not certain why you would say yes to even one, if you did not want to do it.  You are important too!

It was nice what you did, but I hope in the future you do what YOU want to do!

(And free to vent here, we all support each other!)
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« Reply #3 on: December 27, 2018 03:53:58 PM »

I am a little upset on your behalf. I'll tell you, it took me a very long time to hear someone say that they liked and/or wanted one of something I made and not feel like it was my obligation to fulfill their desire. But you know, I craft for my own enjoyment. I would rather donate money to gift-giving charities than sacrifice the little things I do for myself. I mean, whatever I've made over the year I will happily contribute to an organization doing good or give away to someone who admires my work, of course. But I am not interested in stressing myself out for any reason. Certainly not because someone is pressuring me with how they "need" to have something from me. I too have learned how little that sort of request is actually appreciated and that saying yes once makes people think they are entitled to future yes's every time they ask.
For your own peace of mind, perhaps you could find a way to get comfortable with saying "no" or, at least, "not right now". A nice way to do it is to explain that you've already committed yourself to crafting for your own pet charities and simply don't have time for anything else this year. Ask if they'd forward you info about the ones they think you could help and you will review them for next year. Maybe also a gentle reminder that what you make takes a lot of time and supplies and this season is full up. Who could possibly get upset about that? Or a "no" to something for them because you are already busy making things for charity?
You know who deserves your time. You'll always feel good about giving it where it's needed and appreciated and you get to decide that.

I hope you are having a relaxing and peaceful post-holiday, Happy New Year to you!
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« Reply #4 on: December 27, 2018 04:12:09 PM »

I agree with all the other comments on this already. While I have not experienced what you just dealt with, I do realize that people truly have no idea the cost/time it takes to "just whip these up." It's really hard to say no when you feel like you are letting others down, but there are so many good causes out there.  Just do what feels right to you! Also, I love those tags and definitely think you need to add them to your work!
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bethntim
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« Reply #5 on: December 27, 2018 05:56:47 PM »

Thanks loves! I went into the Christmas season unstressed and chill and came out of it a big ball of stress. I am going to work on dating no or not right now. Thanks for always being so encouraging and awesome!
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craftylittlemonkey
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« Reply #6 on: December 27, 2018 06:07:21 PM »

(((Hugs)))

Think of it as making sure you've got everything you need to say YES  to all things you really want to Smiley.
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MAKERS GONNA MAKE, YO!

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bethntim
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« Reply #7 on: December 28, 2018 03:23:07 AM »

(((Hugs)))

Think of it as making sure you've got everything you need to say YES  to all things you really want to Smiley.

That is so inspirational! That's a great way to look at it
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ahmom
« Reply #8 on: January 03, 2019 02:12:24 PM »

People suck
Years ago I gifted 2 queen 2 twin blankets. They said I took the cheap way out.
Not true, I took the cheap way out the next year. Gave them nothing.
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bethntim
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« Reply #9 on: January 04, 2019 05:48:32 AM »

People suck
Years ago I gifted 2 queen 2 twin blankets. They said I took the cheap way out.
Not true, I took the cheap way out the next year. Gave them nothing.
Seriously?!?  That would've made my blood boil.  They clearly have NO idea how expensive quilt making is
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craftylittlemonkey
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« Reply #10 on: January 04, 2019 05:50:53 AM »

People suck
Years ago I gifted 2 queen 2 twin blankets. They said I took the cheap way out.
Not true, I took the cheap way out the next year. Gave them nothing.
Seriously?!?  That would've made my blood boil.  They clearly have NO idea how expensive quilt making is

Yuck. Even if you don't like a gift it's the height of rudeness to complain about something that's been given. Gosh, I taught my children that when they were so young. How incredibly ungracious, I am very sorry to read that happened to you.
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ahmom
« Reply #11 on: January 06, 2019 06:11:37 AM »

Honestly, it was the best thing that ever happened to me because it showed me who they really were. No more lost sleep over those fools.
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« Reply #12 on: January 17, 2019 08:39:40 AM »

It's rude to ask a maker to make you something just because you think it's cool, and I feel it is doubly rude to expect a maker who celebrates Christmas to make ANYthing in the month of December. Or even November. October too. Just... If you want something hand-made, especially for nothing, or for very little, stick to Jan-June. A last minute scarf at Christmastime? Ain't no one got time for that nonsense. For some reason, there are people out there who just automatically feel entitled to the skills of those around them. Those people can suck it. Cheesy
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« Reply #13 on: January 17, 2019 02:19:53 PM »

Lothruin, your post made me giggle the way you worded it  Cheesy, but you got right to the point!  I agree with you completely!
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bethntim
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« Reply #14 on: January 18, 2019 04:05:18 AM »

Lothruin you're my hero! Your point is spot on!
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