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Topic: Veggie Thanksgiving and Family Issues  (Read 2163 times)
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« on: November 19, 2008 04:48:50 PM »


The Problem: I am expected to cook the family dinner for Thanksgiving, as I have for many years, in March of this year I made the move back to vegetarianism and I am soo, soo happy about it.

   When my Dad and his girlfriend heard I wasn't making ham for Easter dinner, after I asked them NOT to bring one....they did and insisted on cooking it.  I refused to help and they acted as if I was the rude one..it was at my house and there was plenty of delicious food and frankly I think it was rude of them to bring a ham and demand it be cooked.

   So here we are setting up for Thanksgiving and I am ABSOLUTELY not tolerating a turkey being cooked at my house, no room and it's unnecessary. But I've heard that they want to cook one and bring it...which I don't want, again there will plenty of food, I was even going to buy a Tofurky of something for them. AND they said they aren't going to come if they can't bring a turkey.

   What happened to holidays being about family, apparently it's only about eating dead things. Anyway, any ideas how I can attempt to fix this situation?  I love my Dad and his gf but I don't want to deal with turkey or drama. THANKS!!!!!!!


Thank you all soo much for the perspective, the ideas and the sympathy. My Dad are talking about it and I think I might try to convince them to try to the Dessert Thanksgiving idea..which is a fantastic one! I'll update again just let everyone know the outcome, thanks again!!!!!!!!

« Last Edit: November 22, 2008 10:54:26 AM by stellunasoleil » THIS ROCKS   Logged
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« Reply #1 on: November 19, 2008 04:54:57 PM »

If they want to cook and bring it themselves, why do you care?  It's great that you've found something you want to do in eating a vegetarian diet, but you can't force that on others.  I think you're within your rights to refuse to cook meat, but again, if someone else is cooking and bringing (and eating) it, I think that's a really good compromise.  You can't make your dad and his girlfriend eat vegetarian food if they don't want to. 

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« Reply #2 on: November 19, 2008 05:01:16 PM »

I guess my issue with them bringing it is room...and I'm a little upset that they said wouldn't come with out it. I'm definitely not into trying to force people to be vegetarian at all... but why should I be forced to have a turkey taking up room on my table? Thanks for your perspective =) I get annoyed quickly sometimes because it seems that making the choice to not eat meat is made more difficult then it should be.
« Reply #3 on: November 20, 2008 02:22:16 AM »

I'm sorry for you.

Have you tried to talk about it and explain why you don't want the turkey? In my opinion they are rude if they bring the turkey to your home. They should respect you, your lifestyle and the time you spend on cooking and eat what you serve. They can eat meat 364 days a year, it shouldn't be so hard to have one vegetarian dinner.

« Reply #4 on: November 20, 2008 01:20:21 PM »

Can you sway them by saying you are going to do a completely non-traditional Thanksgiving? I grew up keeping Kosher, and turkey leftovers never went over well. so my mother started us on the "All Dessert Thanksgiving."  We had a light dairy meal (usually something like lasagne - with bagels and cream cheese or something for my dad who doesn't eat pasta) and the "Thanksgiving" part came with dessert: a cake cut and frosted to look like a turkey, an ice cream cake shaped like a turkey, (a frozen yogurt pie for me, since I can't have ice cream) cookies shaped like turkeys and pilgrims...  and usually about 4 other kinds of desserts, just to have enough variety...!  The cake, ice cream and cookie leftovers are a much bigger hit than turkey leftovers, and we have even convinced some die-hard "it's not Thanksgiving without a turkey on the table" people!  (I miss the all dessert Thanksgiving...  My parents moved to Florida, and my in-laws like turkey - but with me being kosher and hubby being veggie, there are always options.  But just wait till I make my onw Thanksgiving...  mdesserts, here we come!!)
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« Reply #5 on: November 20, 2008 11:23:18 PM »

Since you're concerned about room on the table, you could have the turkey off to the side on another table (like in the kitchen or something) so if they want it, they can go get it. Or maybe have the dinner somewhere else where you're not expected to cook for them? I feel like since your family grew up with the tradition of having turkey for thanksgiving it's kind of unfair to ask them to give it up.. I understand that it's your house but it's also your family. Both parties should compromise. They're being rude for pushing the turkey onto you but at the same time you're being rude for not respecting their traditions (even if you feel that it's disgusting or unimportant). Either way, try to have a happy thanksgiving. Best of luck.  Smiley

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« Reply #6 on: November 21, 2008 08:13:15 AM »

Sounds like a pretty unfortunate turn for such an awesome holiday. Like others have suggested, Im sure, I would try talking to them. Your family has to respect your choice not to eat meat and, therefore, respect your decision to not serve a turkey at Thanksgiving, especially if you're hosting it. How I see it, you insist on not having a turkey because it's something you do not agree with ethically. Your dad and his girlfriend insist on having a turkey because... they always have and thats how the holiday is expected to progress. I feel like you're a little more justified in your decision. Perhaps try reaching an agreement; can't they eat their turkey before they come to your house? Good luck.

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« Reply #7 on: November 21, 2008 08:55:21 AM »

My family has always been understanding of my vegetarianism and now veganism and I find it very unfortunate that your family is putting you in this position! I think that since it is your house, it is your beliefs, you should have the last word. If you don't want a corpse in your house you shouldn't have to be put in that situation. Think of all the stuff you have to do in preparation for this dinner, clean, cook, make sure who is and isn't coming, etc. I think it's rude to be such a demanding guest. I don't think its selfish to ask them not to bring the turkey. Tradition is no justification for the slaughter of an innocent life, and if you don't want to be apart of that, you certainly don't have to.
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« Reply #8 on: November 21, 2008 06:44:37 PM »

If they want to cook and bring it themselves, why do you care? 

I can only asume she would care because it's a murdered, dead animal in her house.

I would not tolerate it in my home. I have enough trouble dealing with all the meat advertisements on TV & radio, cattle trucks on the freeway etc etc. I don't want it in my home.

To the OP. Sorry. What a mess. I'm actually glad I don't have to put up with this kind of stuff.
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« Reply #9 on: November 21, 2008 09:25:07 PM »

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.

I'm not a vegetarian, but I don't eat pork for religious reasons.  If someone insisted on bringing a ham or other pork item over to my house and baking it in my oven, that person would be presented with a choice - come without the pig or don't come at all.  If you're going to be a guest in someone's home, you have to respect the fact that the meal is up to the host, not you.  (It is, of course, ok to tell your hosts you're a vegetarian, or you don't eat X for religious reasons, or you're allergic to Y.  But it's not the end of the world if your hosts serve food A and you really wanted food B even though you'll happily snarf down food A on a non-holiday.)

Honestly, there are so many vegetarian items in the "typical" Thanksgiving spread that you could fill up on those alone and never miss The Bird.  Stuffing can be made with bread, onion, celery, veggie broth, and spices.  Then you have mashed potatoes, green beans, salad, dinner rolls, and of course dessert Smiley

So I don't understand where your dad and his girlfriend get off being so... well, pigheaded.

BTW I love the "All Dessert Thanksgiving" idea Smiley

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