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Topic: I really dont know what to do :(  (Read 2309 times)
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Lucy Lebonte
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This cake was delicious!

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« Reply #10 on: September 22, 2008 05:15:47 AM »

Oh, I am so sorry. Miscarriage is such a hard and awful thing. I don't know if this helps, but when I miscarried our first child (it was much earlier and I honestly can't even imagine going through what they are) I remember wanting to give the baby some memories. I know this is a very individualized thing, but I would finish it and give it to her in memorial of the baby. I think it shows love and care. It sounds like you guys are close, so it definitely depends on how she grieves. I hope you find a solution.
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I have to send it WHEN?!?

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« Reply #11 on: September 22, 2008 06:19:10 AM »

It's hard to imagine anything more painful, especially someone so far along.  It's like you spend all that time wondering, and planning and hoping for the baby.  And then in the end you don't even have any real outlet for your grief like a funeral or anything.  I don't think there's a good answer for how to deal with it, you just have to find a way somehow.

My instinct tells me that having a good friend is always nice in these situations, it never hurts to show you care about her.
« Reply #12 on: September 22, 2008 06:20:26 AM »

I know this is a hard subject. I had this experience myself. When my husband and I got control of the shock ( you never totally get over it ), we wanted to try again. Now we have 4 kids. Anyhow, If it were me I would finish it and put it away. They most likely will try again someday and then it would be the perfect gift. Meanwhile just let them know you are there if needed. Good luck Sad

"Great spirits have often encountered violent opposition form mediocre minds." - Albert Einstein
« Reply #13 on: September 22, 2008 06:56:15 AM »

I'd finish it, but maybe find a new home for it (or save it for the right moment). Giving it to her now really depends on how shedeals with loss - it could be comforting, or it could just reminder of what she's already lost. Everyone grieves differently, and you'd probably have a better idea of that than anyone.

 But it would be a nice gift for someone else, I'd hate to see all that hard work unravel.
« Reply #14 on: September 22, 2008 07:07:09 AM »

Hi, I'm new to this forum and this is one of the first threads I've read so far.  Speaking from my own experience of losing my first pregnancy, I think you should finish the blanket (maybe even make it a pillow or mini-blanket) and give it to your friend.  I would love for a way to remember my first baby even though it didn't survive.  It would be a good way to tell my other kids about the situation when they got older, call it their "angel blanket" or something.  Especially since it is in the shape of a star.  I wish more of my family and friends had aknowledged our loss with more than just an email. 
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« Reply #15 on: September 22, 2008 10:51:59 AM »

from a personal viewpoint since i miscarried a few months ago, i'd say finish it, and wait until she has another baby. for now just let her know you're there for her and send her a card saying how sorry you are. if it were me i wouldn't want any more reminders of what could have been. if she receives it now, she may feel uncomfortable using it on her next child since it was meant for the one that was lost.

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« Reply #16 on: September 23, 2008 08:52:02 AM »

I have to go with either finishing it big and sending it to her now as a gift for her... or finishing it, not saying anything about it, and saving it for their next baby. Or, if it will always be a sad reminder for you to look at .. then I love the ideas to donate it to a place that needs it Smiley

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« Reply #17 on: September 24, 2008 11:10:32 AM »

Hey, can I just say what a lovely friend you are for even thinking about what's best, she's lucky to have you Smiley

As another have-had-a-couple-previous-misses person, I'd say ask her (or her partner) what she'd prefer, though I'd also suggest that you don't offer it for a subsequent baby... I'm not generally a superstitious person, but I have never been able to keep anything I'd intended for a lost child and "re-gift" it to a future child of my own.

Depending on how she is/isn't coping with the grief I think that either sending her the blanket now (as a comfort/memorial) or donating it to needy/premie babies are probably the better options.

« Reply #18 on: October 01, 2008 01:33:47 PM »

thank you for all your good thoughts and suggestions! Smiley i really appreciate it i havent been able to work on it yet but i think ill finish it soon and donate it.  not too sure yet but thanks you all!
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