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Topic: stupid Martha Stewart!  (Read 39240 times)
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« Reply #90 on: April 03, 2005 10:05:07 AM »

For the record, Family Guy rocks my socks. For those who are not familiar with Family Guy it is a hilarious cartoon that used to be on Fox and now runs on Cartoon Network's Adult Swim. Anywho, in one episode Peter makes loads of money and hires Martha Stewart to make his wife's life easier. Every so often, animated Martha will pop into the episode and be like "A touch of oregano adds a homey feel to this dish." It's hilarious, not to mention the fact that later in the episode, the family leaves and Martha goes "Finally!" and lets out a huge fart. Man, fart jokes really don't get old, especially when the feature good ol' Martha!

Sidenote- I think she has had all bodily functions edited out of her being. Seriously, does that woman EVER have to go to the bathroom other than when she is redoing it?

"Everyone has talent. What is rare is the courage to follow that talent to the dark places where it leads." ~Erica Jong
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« Reply #91 on: June 03, 2005 03:02:59 PM »

Just for a laugh, I tried to knit a sock using the directions in a Martha mag.
It turned out surprisingly ok. Usually her craft instructions are sketchy, bordering on mysterious, and her recipes are so insanely detailed you need to take a week off work to make a meatloaf.

I think her aethestic is wonderful... every room, shelf, object etc. in the magazine looks gorgeous. I also admire her success.

But I don't think I'd want to have a cocktail with her... Mark Marrone the pet guy on the other hand...
« Reply #92 on: June 04, 2005 07:53:27 PM »

  The worst was when she de-boned a turkey, those women tortured the butchers demanding that they remove the bones for them on the day before Thanksgiving.

Heh, I know this is an old post in this thread, but I just now found it and was reading through all the posts.

Now to my point.  HA!  the DAY BEFORE THANKSGIVING!  holy crap.   Shocked

(I work in a grocery store.  I would NOT want to work in a grocery store in her town)
« Reply #93 on: June 07, 2005 10:03:40 AM »

I love all of Martha's media conglomerate, but one of the worst days in my life was my son's first birthday party, where I based EVERYTHING on instructions from a Martha Stewart kids magazine.  Crafts were based upon a pool party theme and took forever.  The fishbowl jello was a nightmare as I could not find blue jello and had to make it from food colouring, pop and gelatin, then I could not find gummy fish to float in the jello.  The fish cookies had to be individually cut into fish shapes as I could not find a fish cookie cutter.  The waves on his birthday cake would not peak properly.  And as a special treat I tried to make her April "in like a lion out like a lamb" cupcakes to celebrate that his birthday was on April fools day.  I almost cried when somebody asked why I had made poodle cupcakes.  The only fool that day was me... Now I treat Martha magazines as porn, nice to look at, but often cosmetically enhanced.


Carnation milk is the best in the land, here I sit with a can in my hand, no tits to pull, no hay to pitch, you just punch a hole in the son of a bitch
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« Reply #94 on: June 08, 2005 03:27:48 PM »

I've made a lot of Martha's recipes and things have turned out good and bad.   I tried to like EF, but it didn't really take.   I didn't have the ingredients on hand and they were hard to find.  I think that I have the same problem most people have.   The pictures look awesome, but when I read the instructions I'm usually like, yeah... I'll figure out an easier way.   She does have some great ideas and some good taste.   In general, I like her.   I'm a bitch at work too, but it's because when I'm nice people walk all over me.   But I'm not a bitch to my employees, only to anyone that's my level or higher.   I think it's amazing where she came from and that she's gotten where she is.   I mean, I would LOVE to take my craft hobby and make a living out of it.   That would rock hardcore.

My favorite Martha moment is when they were interviewing her when she got out of prison.   She was like, "I missed lemons in prison." and the reporter goes "What else did you miss?"  and she said "Mainly lemons."... long pause... "and my dogs and my family."  Hee hee!   She was all about the lemons.   Of course, if I went to prison and people where inverviewing me I'd probably be stuffing ho-hos down my throat and going "I missed ho-hos."  "Anything else?"  "Just hohos"... long pause... "oh!   and margaritas and snickers ice cream bars and brownie sundaes."

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« Reply #95 on: June 08, 2005 09:03:29 PM »

Oh crafty friends, how I have laughed over this thread!  The time that I have wasted... Lordy!  But so much fun.  I don't think the "domestic arts" receive more respect now because of Martha.  It's all about the money and she knows how to market.  I love to look at her stuff, but I don't even bother.  Perfect...is the enemy of good.

And Craftster is damn, damn GOOD!

Success isn't final, failure isn't fatal;
It is the courage to continue that counts.
-Winston Churchill
« Reply #96 on: June 09, 2005 09:04:49 AM »

i tried a martha peanut brittle recipe for my dad for christmas and it came out gooey.  not good at all.  i hate to join in the martha bashing, cuz you gotta love a crafty chick.

There's crafting for good, and crafting for evil.  If Martha could make the pin-striped burgandy velvet stick to their metal chassis, her monstrous Christmas-bots would be marching on the UN now.

She's evil! Evil evil evil!


And her poncho is evil.  My friends know I crochet, and now they all want her giant poncho.  I might be able to whip up a nice hat and scarf set in a week, but it takes a heck of a lot longer to crochet something as big as a poncho - not to mention, you quickly reach a point where the poncho is too big to work on when you're on the bus.

« Last Edit: June 09, 2005 09:18:44 AM by Parilla » THIS ROCKS   Logged
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« Reply #97 on: June 09, 2005 11:51:24 AM »

My favorite episode of Martha Stewart's show was when she made this big cake that was shaped like a fish and had Necco wafers for scales. She had gone through all these bags of Necco wafers and picked out the ones that were in the blue/green color family, and then had sorted them out and arranged them on the cake just so to give it a sun-dappled effect or some shit... I was like "Oh hell no." Seriously, who has time for that?? I mean, a cake shaped like a fish is cute, but then she had to take it way over the top with the obsessive Necco wafer sorting. To me, her show was almost like "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous" or something: you want to get a peek into her world, but it's nothing a normal person could ever replicate at home. For some reason my little brother (he was about 10 at the time) loved her show though. I think he found her voice strangely soothing.

Some of these mornings and it won't be long
You're gonna wake up calling me and I'll be gone
« Reply #98 on: June 12, 2005 07:28:33 AM »

Have to add to this...

I love love love martha (well, "her" ideas, anyway).  I can't wait for her two new shows to be out!!  And I hate that Directv doesn't have style network so I can watch repeats (it was wedding week last week!!  Damn!). 

I have tried so many things from the show, website, and mag's.  Seams like someone is always getting something I got from her as a gift.  Sometimes the instructions are not always as clear/detailed as they should be on the website/in the mag.  Thats why the show was great...you could see it done (and tivo it to review later--I still have shows on tivo!).

Just wanted to add my two cents...hope she makes a HUGE comeback!


Oh, yeah, just wanted to say that I have made the crayon shaving things...made them for my vday cards a couple years ago.  They turned out okay, but to be fair, we had made them in grade school (decades ago), so i kind of remembered it from then.  I don't know if I actually saw those on martha, or just remembered it, or what. 
« Reply #99 on: July 03, 2005 08:57:37 PM »

you're iron is on too high, and you're holding it onto the wax paper for way too long. It just needs a "touch" from the iron. Remember crayons melt if you just leave them in the sun! they'll melt if you stare at them too long! Seriously. Crayons can look alright, just don't go crazy with the iron and they'll turn out.
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