A Crafts Community For Craft Ideas & DIY Projects - Craftster.org
Help | About | Contact | Press | Advertise | Cookie Policy | Terms | Site Map
Welcome, Guest.
Please login or register.
December Announcement: It's time for our Eighth Annual Gingerbread Contest!  Craft and enter a project for a chance to win a prize!
Total Members: 314,853
Currently Running With Scissors:
282 Guests and 6 Users
Home Craftster Community Crafting Articles Craft Tutorials My Craftster Crafting Calendar City Guides Craft Shop

Pages: [1] 2  All
Jump to page:
  Show Images Only     Send this topic  |  Print  |  Bookmark  
Topic: Baby items: an insensitive gift?  (Read 1639 times)
Tags for this thread:  Add new tag
Share the love... Pin it Submit to reddit
« on: July 28, 2007 10:57:32 PM »

The DJ who worked my wedding is trying to adopt a baby with his wife after a number of years of infertility and related medical procedures.  They are trying to arrange an international adoption and it is not going well. Bureaucracy has extended the timing of the adoption--it's been three years since they applied. 

Although the DJ and I didn't know each other before I contracted his services, my parents are from the country from which he is trying to adopt (making me a "[hyphenate]-American").  I think he may have felt some sort of kinship with me and confided in me and my fiance a couple of times about their adoption difficulties.  (FTR, IMHO the ethnic connection is a little flimsy to justify sharing such personal stuff, but I didn't want to turn away someone who was obviously upset.) 

He didn't share anything inappropriate about their relationship, just told me about how trying the adoption and infertility had been was and wanted to vent briefly with someone who was less close to the process.  Other than that, DH and I haven't discussed anything except wedding related stuff with him.

Would it be insensitive to give him a crochet baby blanket, hat, or outfit as sort of a "good luck, I hope it works out, we're rooting for you" type of gift along with our thank you note?  I realize it's a little bit above and beyond, say, the gift box of chocolates that we may give to our other vendors.  I'm unsure if this would be a nice gesture or a jerky one.  Thanks!
Being surly is my superpower.
Offline Offline

Posts: 230
Joined: 04-Jul-2007

Yeah yeah, blah-dey blah blah

View Profile WWW
« Reply #1 on: July 29, 2007 05:58:39 AM »

It's really lovely that you took the time to listen to him, but it seems fairly clear you don't wish to develop an actual friendship. I would give him the chocolates and keep it non-personal. A personal, handmade gift could seem like an invitation to friendship, if that makes sense to you. Just my thoughts.


Of course tattoos hurt...they're applied with needles, not kitten whiskers and bunny tails.
« Reply #2 on: July 29, 2007 07:51:06 PM »

I think a baby blanket would actually be a great idea. It's something a little more thoughtful. If it were me, I'd take it as a you actually appreciated me and my services because the gift really came from your heart. I'm sure it would be appreciated. I think a blanket is the best idea or maybe some sort of toy, simply because you don't know how big the baby would be or if it would be a boy or girl, etc. I think a blanket is a wonderful idea.

Etsy: http://danilykewoah.etsy.com/
Blog: http://danilykewoah.blogspot.com/ (tutorials, recipes, patterns & more)
I call her Vera.
Offline Offline

Posts: 1618
Joined: 15-Feb-2006

The hero of Canton

View Profile WWW
« Reply #3 on: July 30, 2007 03:54:57 AM »

Yeah, a simple blanket (say, a square of fleece with a nice stitch edging it?) and something more impersonal as a thank you gift.

This way, you can say something to the effect of "You're services were great, and I remembered something that's important to you" without going too overboard.

(\__/) This is Fat Bunny.
( o.o ) It has taken over, and eaten the unbelievers.
( > < ) Copy Bunny into your signature or be EATEN!

www.rattleheadgames.com - for all your gaming needs!

http://www.wists.com/shewolf I wish, I wish, with all my heart.... Smiley
Pathological Knitter
Offline Offline

Posts: 841
Joined: 02-Jun-2005

View Profile
« Reply #4 on: July 30, 2007 08:10:12 AM »

This subject is very close to my heart and I would say to you please, please please do not give this person any baby related items as gifts.   Smiley


Outstanding in my field (mind the carrots!)
Offline Offline

Posts: 116
Joined: 12-Jul-2007

View Profile
« Reply #5 on: July 30, 2007 09:08:58 AM »

I would definitely keep it professional.  He may regret expressing his personal troubles to you and reminding him could cause further embarrassment.  Haven't we all said "too much" to someone we would otherwise never say such things to?  Best to err on the polite and professional side that way there's no regrets or hurts later.
Naff Productions
Make things so far out they're in!
Offline Offline

Posts: 122
Joined: 03-Nov-2006

You look marvelous

View Profile
« Reply #6 on: July 30, 2007 09:40:25 AM »

I know we crafters like to share, but you also need to take into consideration that this adoption may never happen.  I think I would stick to the chocolates.  IMHO

naff1 (nf)  adj. Chiefly British Slang.
Unstylish, clichd, or outmoded.

naff2 (nf)  intr.v. Chiefly British Slang. naffed, naffing, naffs
To fool around or go about: naffing about in a tutu (Suzanne Lowry).
Tutorial Contributor

Offline Offline

Posts: 538
Joined: 22-May-2007

View Profile
« Reply #7 on: July 30, 2007 12:22:02 PM »

This subject is very close to my heart and I would say to you please, please please do not give this person any baby related items as gifts.   Smiley

Well, this subject isn't necessarily close to my heart, but I totally agree with you.  I just think to myself, what if the adoption or conception never happens and they have a precious baby blanket to stare at with no precious baby to use it for?  I'd think it would make them heartsick, ya know?  That being said, I don't think you're being insensitive.  Maybe just jumping the gun a little.

"Yeah we don't take orders well.  Unless they're to get on the dance flo'.  Or raise the roof.  Or make some NOIZE...with a Z!"
Offline Offline

Posts: 675
Joined: 20-Jan-2006

Quincy the Pug

View Profile WWW available for personal swaps
« Reply #8 on: July 30, 2007 02:00:15 PM »

If they were close to the actual adoption, like had a travel date or a dossier on their baby, I would say give the blanket.  But since it has been delayed, I have to side with those that say no.  I am approaching a similar situation myself, and have a pretty strict no-baby-stuff-until-there's-a-baby rule.

I Love Disney, My Husband Loves Shakira!
Offline Offline

Posts: 1313
Joined: 12-Jun-2006

View Profile WWW available for personal swaps
« Reply #9 on: July 30, 2007 04:40:05 PM »

I'm going to go with many other people here and say no baby blanket.  It's a nice thought on your part, but, like everyone said, if the adoption doesn't happen, it will just be a sad reminder.

I took up running so that I could eat more, not because it feels good.  haha
Threads you might like:
Pages: [1] 2  All Jump to page:
  Send this topic  |  Print  |  Bookmark  
Jump to:  

only results with images
include swap threads
advanced search

Latest Blog Articles
Meatless Monday: Vegan Root Vegetable Stew
Handmade Holiday Gift Guide 2017: Molasses Candy
Handmade Holiday Gift Guide 2017: Elf on a Shelf Tutu

Support Craftster
Become a
Friend of Craftster

Buy Craftster Swag
Buy Craft Supplies

Craftster heartily thanks the following peeps...

Follow Craftster...

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.11 | SMF © 2006-2009, Simple Machines LLC
SimplePortal 2.3.5 © 2008-2012, SimplePortal
Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!

Copyright ©2003-2017, Craftster.org an Internet Brands company.