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Topic: Etiquette, Etiquette, Oh how you plague me!  (Read 4305 times)
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« on: January 09, 2007 09:47:59 AM »

Hello all!

So in planning the wedding of our dreams, my FI and I chose a fabulous, intimate mansion. It provides us with four days of goodness, a quirky setting to get married in, horse drawn sleigh rides, fireplaces in our bedrooms, a grand staircase, DELICIOUS food, and an amazing wedding coordinator!

What it doesn't provide is space. We can fit approximately 80 guests. Now, this brings me to my question.

Is it tacky/anger inspiring for us to only invite our family and our wedding party to the wedding in March and then have a big shin dig for everyone else in the spring? My Mom runs a summer resort, so I could use the facility and chef for cost (the chef would probably be free...now that I think about it). The only reason I'm not getting married there, is my Mom would not be able to relax. So, I'm planning on a huge BBQ (lobster, filet mignon, amazong corn chowder) at the beach for sunset. I'll have favors for everyone there and I'll have an album of the wedding. I might switch up the favors for less intensive projects... any ideas? We probably won't do dancing, but I may ask my fiddler friend to come and play. The evening will probably end with a big bonfire, marshmellows, spiked coffee, and a sunset. It'll be way more casual than the wedding.

Now. Would you hate me forever if I said you could only go to the party for Guest List B? I mean, it sounds like a sweet arse party to me, but ack! I'm going to send the invites to both parties at the same time. Should I do save the dates for both or just the march wedding?

Grr. I hate etiquette. And I just realized that this isn't really craft related.... I guess etiquette is sort of a human relation craft?


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« Reply #1 on: January 09, 2007 09:50:34 AM »

I think that's a lovely idea.  I know a couple who got married in Vegas with close family and had a blow out party at home later.  Another couple got married in Ireland and then a big party at home.  I don't think it's anything to fret over. 

« Reply #2 on: January 09, 2007 10:12:05 AM »

I think that's perfect...

We met in Utah and were married at our best friend's house there (he's 78 and gave me away, she was 68) .  My fam is in Michigan.  I thought that friends and family back home would be pissed (I called the fam a week before to let them know!) but they were great!  We went there in that summer and had a whole "blessing" type ceramony in my dad's back yard.  It was perfect.

I guess for me, it was my wedding. A couple of people were put off that they didn't even get the chance to decide for themselves, but I love how my wedding went and that's what matters!

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« Reply #3 on: January 09, 2007 10:15:34 AM »

i see nothing wrong with it. consider it a "destination wedding" and then the "big reception" when you get back. a lot of people have done it.

to set your mind at ease, i would suggest that you google "destination wedding etiquette". i'm sure you'll find "experts" who will tell you that it's ok.


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« Reply #4 on: January 10, 2007 07:58:38 AM »

It sounds fine as long as you let everyone involved know that you will be having an intimate, destination wedding with a larger at home reception to follow.  Be clear in your "vision" and no one should question you.

My wedding will either be Key Largo, Fl or in Costa Rica and both locations are a distance for our families.  So we will still have to visit folks and do receptions to follow for guests that don't make it.
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« Reply #5 on: January 10, 2007 02:16:42 PM »

I completely agree with everyone else-I dont think youre violating any etiquette rules!  Most people should be used to the idea that weddings are expensive and complicated and delicate issues-however an individual wishes to do it should be fine. 

Plus, anyones who has ever had to plan a wedding knows what its like!! 

Lastly, dont forget-chances are, over the course of wedding planning, unless your uber-traditional, chances are theres always gonna be someone who doesnt like something, from if your parents present you to your choice of bridesmaids to whether your first dance will be fast or slow....etiquette is important, but establish for yourself first, then everyone else next what is negotiable and what isnt or youll be in for a long haul!  I mean, Im not saying its terrible or people are awful or anything!!  Tongue  I just mean, there are reasons there are entire wedding etiquette books (I have two), and overall I think the best thing to do is keep strong to what you really want and negotiate on the smaller things to satisfy everyone else.  Good luck!!!

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« Reply #6 on: January 10, 2007 02:58:40 PM »

I think I would be secretely relieved if I was only invited to the really fun-sounding party, and not the possibly boring* ceremony part.  Wink

*to me, obviously - YOU probably wouldn't be bored. Cheesy

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« Reply #7 on: January 10, 2007 03:36:29 PM »

Thank you all for your input! I am definitely starting to feel better about the whole thing. And now for more planning and spending money....


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« Reply #8 on: January 10, 2007 03:44:06 PM »

I've had quite a few friends get married lately, and everyone seems
to forget the fact that a wedding is about the COUPLE not the guests. just do what will make your day wonderful.

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« Reply #9 on: January 10, 2007 04:47:00 PM »

Your reception sounds like it will be lots of fun (not too many have bonfires and marshmellow involved  Wink). If I were just invited to the reception I wouldn't mind one bit... and like other people have mentioned... its you and your fiance's day so do what makes you happy!

Congrats! I hope everything goes well.


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