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Topic: Finally dumping my boyfriend - sigh. *LONG RANT*  (Read 1770 times)
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metamurph
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« on: November 29, 2005 07:16:06 AM »

So I've been bitching about my bf for roughly the last year or so, since it's really only been within the last year that his colors have REALLY come out. We've been together since June 2003, and I've stayed on in spite of his being irritable, nasty, and just generally an unpleasant person. For example, when I told him I'd read some of the books on Oprah - you remember the whole Oprah book club thing a few years back? - he immediately returned, "Oprah Winfrey's garbage. She's a piece of sh*t and should be shot and killed."  Um...ok. I don't feel any love or loyalty towards Oprah, but wasn't that a bit harsh?

And his MOUTH. Everything's f--- this and f--- that and he can't refer to women as "women" - they're all bitches or whores.  "Yeah, me and Mike and Joe saw these bitches walking down the street..." Or it's "Hey baby, look at all the whores hanging around..."  Every time I'd ask him to watch his mouth, he'd just laugh me off. He treats his parents like garbage and the only time he ever watches his mouth is when he's around MY parents, because he knows that my mother, in her genteel southern way, would emasculate him. My father doesn't even have to say a word - he just glares. And when Pop glares, the lights flicker.

He's not all bad, in spite of things. I'd like to think no one really is. But I've reached my end with him and his mouth and his horrible "opinions" that he thinks everyone is entitled to. Here's what happened last Tuesday:

I came home from having Mel (my sweet 11 year old Maine Coon kitty) put to sleep. He had a cancerous tumor in his abdomen the size of a softball and couldn't keep anything down. He had gone from a majestic 18 pounds to just 7, but from the time he was born until he took his last breath he never stopped purring. He was a big fuzzy baby who liked to have his butt rubbed with a hairbrush, and that's how I like to remember him.

It had been a rough day anyway, then I found out my 13 year old niece (who lives with me) had been lying to me about using the computer. She's grounded from using it until her grades come back up, but somehow someone managed to send a video game guide to the printer and LEAVE IT THERE. Since she's the only one around who plays the video games... But no...she lied about it, swore up and down it wasn't her, she didn't do it, lalalala.

So now with the double stress of Mel's death and my niece's continual lies (yep, she does it enough to make it a concern), I call my bf for some consolation and a friendly voice. At the news of Mel's death, he said, "I'm sorry to hear about that." Which was nice of him. But when I told him about my niece's lying, here's what he had to say:

"You need to stop that sh*t now, man. It's f*cking ridiculous. She does that sh*t now, no telling what kind of sh*t she'll be doing later. Somebody needs to f*ck her up, man. Just f*ck her ass up, bruise her face all up and sh*t, mess her up real f*cking good. She won't do that sh*t no more."

I told him he was a piss-poor human being to even say something like that about anybody, much less a little girl. Then he laughed. I hung up on him. He called me again on Thanksgiving, but I wouldn't speak to him. He hasn't called me again, and I haven't spoken to him since. I don't plan to speak to him again. Kind of an unspoken dumping, I guess.

He said those awful things about someone I love more than anything in the world...so why do I feel so horrible now? Am I jumping the gun? Is it long overdue? He didn't like my crafty ways - said I had too many hobbies. My going to the Goodwill literally started fights between us, and I've been pissed at him in the past for saying things like "People who do that crafting crap all have mental illness." He believed touching my knitting needles would make him less of a man.

It just kills me. I'm 31 now and I don't make friends easily, since I'm the kind of shy that makes for a good hermit. When I try, I'm always guilt-ridden and beating myself up after for possibly saying/doing/being everything wrong. I have ALWAYS been mental - too self-conscious, too scared, too worried, too frightened of everything to feel like a normal person. I think having a boyfriend made me feel normal, even if he wasn't the most pleasant person in the world. This last week has been difficult and awful and lonely. I spent Thanksgiving alone, since my niece was with her father and my parents are vacationing in St. Martin until this Thursday. Nothing like spending a family holiday alone when you're depressed to make you evaluate your life.

But I crafted. Boy, did I craft. On Thanksgiving alone, I made more than a dozen pairs of earrings, four bracelets, three necklaces, and since then I've experimented with memory wire beyond what would be considered reasonable (I'll post some jewelry soon in completed objects). I've been knitting another scarf in seed stitch while pondering singledom and trying not to feel lonely.

I feel optimistic when I craft. I know that in the end, when it's all over, I will have something nice to hold onto. A homespun scarf is a wonderful thing, as is a pretty gemstone bracelet. I still owe a wonderful person a swap package (that I COMPLETELY forgot about an embarrassing number of months ago, and that will be going out this weekend thanks to my productive holiday). A finished craft reminds me that I still have things to do and things to look forward to.

But if I EVER have another man in my life, he will knit. He will do so proudly, and I will make sweet sweet love to him wearing only the socks he has made for me.
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tuatara
« Reply #1 on: November 29, 2005 07:33:37 AM »

wow, what a post ... i just have to say that i believe you have done the right thing ... i had to do the same recently, though i think maybe my boyfriend wasn't quite as bad, he was just extraordinarily inconsiderate.  i finally snapped after the second forgotten/ignored birthday, and the total lack of support when i found out my god-daughter had cancer.

i'm 29, and similarly really shy.  so i know it's not an easy decision to make.  but after a while i started to realise it definitely was the right decision.

there are always some things in life that just make you feel a bit crap (like your ex), but there are also plenty of things that make you feel good (like your crafting) ... so if you've traded one of the crap things for one of the good things, then i reckon you are on the right track   Cheesy
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kmsmaverick
« Reply #2 on: November 29, 2005 07:36:31 AM »

my friend, at the risk of posting to a not too craft related thread, i have to anyway. you did the right thing. you could have been describing my position a year ago, and i had a sad but totally necesary decision to make.

do i want to be happy or do i want to pretend i am happy.

there is no reason to pretend. and it never works. you did the right thing. you and your neice will be able to patch things up, and she will be able to help you when you are blue; because the sad bit doesn't actually go away quickly. even if he was a dink, there were other times when i'm sure he wasn't. but you can't wait around forever for the next bit of sunny disposition.

You are better off, and if you want to be a hermit for awhile, that is ok.
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islandhome
« Reply #3 on: November 29, 2005 07:52:04 AM »

It sounds like your BF was 99% brain dead to treat a wonderful person like you so shabbily.  I think he has what some call a critical spirit.  It doesn't do you any good nor your niece any good to have someone like that around.  I think dumping him set a good example to her.  You certainly don't want her in a relationship like that and she needs to learn by action, not just words that she (and you) deserves to be treated like a princess by a person she treats like a prince.

Yes, it will hurt for a time.  But you will see, keeping yourself busy will make that time go a bit faster.  And, if you want a man that knits...go to where the knitting men are.  Join knitting/craft groups in your area.  Not only will you make new friends...that special someone is going to be where you are having fun also.  (and...maybe take your niece too to get her away from the computer...warning. ..she  may be kicking and screaming while you do this...wear shin guards LOL)

I wish you the best of luck (remember chocolate helps everything) and know that you have many people on this forum supporting your decision to get away from this jerk.

****HUGS******
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« Reply #4 on: November 29, 2005 07:54:45 AM »

It's never ever wrong to stand up for yourself and those you love. In my experience, a man who talks about hitting women eventually will. Now it won't be you or your niece. You can't wait for a man to hit you to draw the line. Sorry about the preaching, but it's a reflex born of pain (you can roll your eyes now). But seriously, don't let this crappy holiday event keep you in the house. Go to a stitch and bitch and sit there. You don't have to talk or interact. You don't need a man, but you have a better chance of meeting a knitting one when you are around other crafty people. Man doesn't need to knit, but he does need to have at least one hobby to be sane.

The nice thing about the awful truth, that it's harder to make friends as you get older, is that it's just as hard for everyone else, man or woman, so we tend to hold onto the good ones. High five for kicking a bad habit! Now that you have kicked him to the curb, don't let him live on as the bad voice in your head. Live out loud, as they say.
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CosmicCranberry
« Reply #5 on: November 29, 2005 08:05:16 AM »

I remeber having a mentally abusive boyfriend at one time in my life...best thing you can ever do is to cut them off completely from your life.......you are the best friend you will ever have and you should find a man who makes you feeli like a queen.....and u can pm me if you ever need a buddy to chat with.....
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« Reply #6 on: November 29, 2005 08:16:22 AM »

Join knitting/craft groups in your area.  Not only will you make new friends...that special someone is going to be where you are having fun also.  (and...maybe take your niece too to get her away from the computer...warning. ..she  may be kicking and screaming while you do this...wear shin guards LOL)


She knits, too! Granted, she occasionally uses her teeth, but she knows the basic stitches. She's in this weird phase right now where she will only use size 1 needles. Size one needles with Red Heart worsted. It's really funny to watch her go.

I've been knitting with her at night so she doesn't feel like she's missing the computer. I'd rather she spent that time with me, especially now that the computer is off-limits. It also helps me to keep an eye on her, since I remember all too well how I was at her age.
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NessaGurl
« Reply #7 on: November 29, 2005 09:13:22 AM »

WOW...I'm not even sure what to say but...Good for you!!! You are definitely worth way more then a man who always puts you and your interests down. I agree with Islandhome in that you should definitely join some crafty groups. I too am a shy person and often hermit at home with my crafty stuff (it doesn't criticize me), but I am slowly getting out there and joining in the fun with others...there are MANY others in the same situation as yourself...you are not alone.

I just had to congratulate you on getting up the courage to dump his ass and take care of yourself...it will be hard in the beginning, but you will thank yourself down the road. Consentrate on yourself and your niece, spending some time with her knitting and such will build on your bond together and will help her overcome her computer addiction (I use the word addiction cause I have brothers/sisters with the same problem...they always have to be connected...and have lost their ability to be creative and use their imaginations) My brothers/sister spend all their time on the computer chatting with friends...whatever happend to hanging out together in person...Maybe I'm just old...but I don't get it...anyhoo, enough of my rant...

Good for you for splitting with your boyfriend...and keep up hope...there are quite a few "secure" men out there that would love to knit with you or that would appreciate something you knitted for them.

Good luck with everything...

NessaGurl  Grin
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« Reply #8 on: November 29, 2005 10:13:21 AM »

*applauds*

Don't worry about feeling self-conscious or guilty. You've already proved you're self-sufficient and (clich alert) mentally strong. Too many people stay in relationships like that and put up with them and end up worse off for it.
There are 6 billion people on the planet; there must be plenty of decent blokes. Smiley
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classycrafter
« Reply #9 on: November 29, 2005 10:34:07 AM »

Wow!! Its amazing to me that he would be so rude, inconsiderate, mean and verbally/mentally abusive like that. Good for you for breaking up with him!! You deserve way better. I am rather shy also until I get to know a person so I know what your talking about with meeting new friends. Just remember this....when one is closed, somewhere, a window is opened. Being the wonderful person you are, I am sure you will find someone soon.  Smiley
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« Reply #10 on: November 29, 2005 11:09:19 AM »

Good for you!  I would give you a hug if the computer would let me!   Smiley Cheesy Grin Wink  Grin
« Last Edit: November 29, 2005 11:12:55 AM by beadgirl » THIS ROCKS   Logged

BlackMarketBaby
« Reply #11 on: November 29, 2005 11:09:49 AM »

I just wanted to say that I too am very proud of you!  You've done the right thing.  A very close friend of mine is currently in a situation similar to yours before you left your ex, and all I can do is try to be supportive of her, and let her know I am there for her, and HOPE HOPE HOPE that she will soon feel ready to take the brave step you have taken.  I know it's hard to let go, but the effect of a relationship should be to enhance one's life, and if it doesn't do that - certainly if it adds negative elements - the best thing is to leave.  Well done for managing to take that step.  Also - you sound like a great auntie, and the fact that you look after your niece and bestow upon her your nurturing is good for you, as well as for her, and is living, every-day proof to you that you are a good, caring, and deserving woman.
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« Reply #12 on: December 04, 2005 01:03:46 AM »

::APPLAUSE::

Not many women have the courage you have shown in dumping that bully. I'm so proud of you!! Stick to your guns and keep him gone, no matter what! Just remember when you stop looking for Mr. Right he will tap you on the shoulder one day and ask to borrow your knitting needles..hee hee It happened to me but it was me tapping him on the shoulder to ask to borrow his car magazine Grin

Always remember when you meet someone they were that way before you met them they will be that way after you meet them. Never try to change someone and NEVER let them try to change you!!

You are a brave and wonderful woman never let a man make you forget that! If you ever need anything your craftster buddies are here for you, PMs welcomed for any reason. ((((craft love)))
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« Reply #13 on: December 04, 2005 01:44:08 AM »

Quote:
I have ALWAYS been mental - too self-conscious, too scared, too worried, too frightened of everything to feel like a normal person.

Dear metamurph!
You sound just like me (not all the time luckily). I know how easy it is to swallow loads of shit day after day.. and how hard it is to stand up. It must be even harder when the abusive person in your life is the one *supposed* to make you happy and surround you with love. Family or coworkers you can't choose.. but boyfriends, you can. Don't be scared to be alone for a while! It's much better to be alone than with someone with this kind of behaviour. You are not old! And your future boyfriend doesn't necessarily have to be a knitter.. but someone who appreciates you, yes. Someone that may find you a little "mental" (in a good way) for your compulsive crafting.. but that will never laugh at you or put you down. My boyfriend (bless him...) thinks I am a little crazy for all the stuff I come up with, but he is always supportive. He doesn't knit or sew.. but loves the stuff I make for him. That's what really matters!
I like this that Nikki Knacks said:
> Never try to change someone and NEVER let them try to change you!!
So.. be strong, and have faith in yourself!!!!!!!
Lots of hugs  Smiley
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patriautism
« Reply #14 on: December 04, 2005 01:47:42 AM »

I just wanted to say "good for you!" too. My mom is a perpetual victim. She once tried to throw ME out for saying she should consider leaving her abusive boyfriend. She did, but not until he bit part of her face off. Point is, she's made a habit of surrounding herself with these types of people and generally doesn't know how to act if someone is nice to her. Victims get used to a certain type of interaction, and abusers are good at subtlety with gradual escalation. Glad to see you know what you want and it's not that!

I've been lucky. I'm married to a wonderful man now. I'm pretty nonconfrontational and he actually helps me with that, which is really good. I feel so much better after standing up for myself and saying something rather than brooding about it later.
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« Reply #15 on: December 04, 2005 04:54:05 AM »

Congrats on dumping the bloke and I hope he'll never get in touch with you again!!
I also like to be at home by myself in my own world Smiley And I think it's a good thing to spend time with yourself only, if that's how you feel.
I think that somebody else's suggestion about joining craft groups in your area was a very good idea. ^^
Man, I feel like beating the ... out of your (now ex-)bf for being such an awful person. You totally deserve something much better than this!!! Good luck! Smiley
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« Reply #16 on: December 05, 2005 11:44:24 AM »

You guys are awesome. I was sitting here last night reading the replies and getting all weepy. Reinforcement that I made a good choice in shedding myself of 170 pounds of dead weight has come from literally EVERYWHERE - even places I didn't expect it to be. Thank you all for commiserating with me, and I love you beyond words.

It's been nearly two weeks since I hung the phone up on what's-his-face, and I haven't talked to him since. He hasn't called me, I haven't called him, and the world is still spinning.

My kitty Mel is resting in peace, and on Saturday I ended up adopting two more furballs from the Humane Society. Support them - they bring love to so many animals and humans alike. My new babies are beautiful and full of joy - Alex is a three-month-old black and white mutt of a cat, and Rini is a six-month-old Russian Blue (like Church from Pet Sematary). They've brought smiles to sad faces and the occasional heart attack to all of us when they chase each other near the upstairs balcony. When I stepped in a pile of cold kitty yarf this morning, I knew that things were getting back to some kind of order again.

Tonight is for knitting and Surface (if it isn't a repeat). I will cuddle with my yarn while, under my purple blanky, cats sleep like logs, cutting off the circulation to my feet.

Now back to our crafty discussions! Thanks everyone - again!
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« Reply #17 on: December 05, 2005 12:20:54 PM »

i'm late to the party on this one, but...

everyone deserves to be with someone that makes them happy and can be themselves around.

i guess what struck me the most was how articulate you are and how much he, well, just isn't! you need to be with someone who matches you, miss!

a saying kept coming to my mind while i read your post- "it's better to be alone than wishing you were." it's hard because it's so close to the holidays, but honestly- you don't need someone around who will just make things harder for you in the long run.

good luck to you, i admire your courage! being able to say "enough!" is a true test of strength. and it's a real credit to you that you know what your own limits are.
« Last Edit: December 05, 2005 12:25:11 PM by laureg » THIS ROCKS   Logged

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CosmicCranberry
« Reply #18 on: December 05, 2005 12:25:48 PM »

hoildays are a great time to be single!! just think of how many christmas parties there are....and how many other occasions there will be to meet someone new under the mistletoe.....
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bigeyes
« Reply #19 on: December 05, 2005 01:22:05 PM »

Good for you!  Nobody needs to be around that kind of man.  You reminded me of my pet peeve...men referring to eachother as 'bitches.'  Why is it that the worst insult a man can find to use on another man is to call him a bitch or a girl?  And how do those same men with a straight face tell you they believe in equality? When they start seeing us as equal rather than 'less than' I'll believe them.

Condolences on your pet. 

As to the guy, you can't help but do better next time sweetie!

chin up
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Rubber FIFI
« Reply #20 on: December 05, 2005 01:42:04 PM »

Im glad youre feeling better.....my dad is emotionally abusive to my mom, but not to me. I have learned to cope with it. Lately I have learned that under all anger there is just fear, and behind a lot of bullies is just someone who is very, very hurt. That does not mean that you should put up with their shit or even that they are good people, but it is helpful to know that we are all scared, not just you.
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« Reply #21 on: December 06, 2005 10:54:13 AM »

*BIG hugs*
Congratulations on getting out when you did.
And don't worry, you will find someone, even if it takes a little while.
So, until then, stich'n'bitch in the true Crafster way.

And my condolences on losing your cat.
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« Reply #22 on: December 06, 2005 11:49:13 AM »

Hello Beautiful People-
I HAD to reply to this - its not often you have an opportunity to comment on a topic like this in this place.
Thank you for sharing your example of courage and awareness in a bad situation, I am sure you have helped and inspired many other members here to do the same or at least open their eyes to perhaps something in their own lives. This is good. Awareness is the first step to change. And believe it or not- Change is Good. Everything changes.
I have seen/experienced many many bad relationships and their counterparts, it can really do your head in and it is hard to find clarity for yourself during and afterwards.
my advice is to go within yourself and to heal/soothe/love all those parts inside of you after being with someone like that. I had a really hard time forgiving myself after having a sort of 'relapse' into an unforseen shitty situation with a very angry man. I couldn't understand why i fell back into it after maintaining good healthy situations for myself for a few years. but you just gotta hold on to that experience and take it as just that. no reflection on your SELF. But a learning lesson on forgivness, peace, and compassion. That man is f*cked up and unfortunately, for some reason, you had to be witness of that. And you've learned a lot from it right?
You also mention FEAR. Fear stands for- False Evidence Appearing Real.
Think about that one for awhile- it might help you. Everyone can get consumed by fear and their own thoughts in their head. That's when I go and find a different perspective outside of my head. Its not always good to believe what your brain is telling you. BUT It IS good to follow what your gut and heart and soul are telling you.
And lastly- (I'll shut up soon. lol) I find a lot of crafters are loner types - PLEASE don't take this personally!! I relate- i really do. I am shy and introverted and almost hermit like. BUT that's because I don't neccessarily fit in with general society. (you migh be able to see why in the above writing) I am ok with this because i dont totally agree with where society is headed. BUT i digress...
  To Create- Crafts, art, food, music, you name it- the act of creation is the greatest gift you could ever recieve from the Universe. The act of Creation is to make something. out of nothing. To Create is to put dreams into form. To Create is beautiful.
So Create create create--you beautiful crafty folks. It is wonderful!!!!!!
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« Reply #23 on: December 06, 2005 11:53:21 AM »

This is just a hug for you. You really deserve it and you're smart to stay away from that horrible, horrible ass.
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classycrafter
« Reply #24 on: December 06, 2005 12:49:41 PM »

Hello Beautiful People-
I HAD to reply to this - its not often you have an opportunity to comment on a topic like this in this place.
Thank you for sharing your example of courage and awareness in a bad situation, I am sure you have helped and inspired many other members here to do the same or at least open their eyes to perhaps something in their own lives. This is good. Awareness is the first step to change. And believe it or not- Change is Good. Everything changes.
I have seen/experienced many many bad relationships and their counterparts, it can really do your head in and it is hard to find clarity for yourself during and afterwards.
my advice is to go within yourself and to heal/soothe/love all those parts inside of you after being with someone like that. I had a really hard time forgiving myself after having a sort of 'relapse' into an unforseen shitty situation with a very angry man. I couldn't understand why i fell back into it after maintaining good healthy situations for myself for a few years. but you just gotta hold on to that experience and take it as just that. no reflection on your SELF. But a learning lesson on forgivness, peace, and compassion. That man is f*cked up and unfortunately, for some reason, you had to be witness of that. And you've learned a lot from it right?
You also mention FEAR. Fear stands for- False Evidence Appearing Real.
Think about that one for awhile- it might help you. Everyone can get consumed by fear and their own thoughts in their head. That's when I go and find a different perspective outside of my head. Its not always good to believe what your brain is telling you. BUT It IS good to follow what your gut and heart and soul are telling you.
And lastly- (I'll shut up soon. lol) I find a lot of crafters are loner types - PLEASE don't take this personally!! I relate- i really do. I am shy and introverted and almost hermit like. BUT that's because I don't neccessarily fit in with general society. (you migh be able to see why in the above writing) I am ok with this because i dont totally agree with where society is headed. BUT i digress...
  To Create- Crafts, art, food, music, you name it- the act of creation is the greatest gift you could ever recieve from the Universe. The act of Creation is to make something. out of nothing. To Create is to put dreams into form. To Create is beautiful.
So Create create create--you beautiful crafty folks. It is wonderful!!!!!!

Lexis - thank you for writing this paragraph, its very inspiring! Especially the part about what fear stands for. I never thought of it that way.
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