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Topic: how do you let a muggle down nicely when they ask you to knit something?  (Read 114199 times)
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snakeface
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« Reply #610 on: April 06, 2007 11:58:24 PM »

I must be an oddity, because I love being asked to knit something for someone else. Almost everything I have made is a gift, and I love knowing when I knit something that it's going to someone I like. Also, when someone else pays for supplies it is always good.
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knittinfiasco
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« Reply #611 on: April 07, 2007 12:03:11 AM »

Okay, we all agree that the reaction of the recipient of the EZ Pi Shawl was inappropriate.

Part of the purpose of this thread if finding *nice* ways to deal with ignorant people.

I would sit down with the birthday friend and one on one and honestly explain how much effort was put into making the shawl and how her behavior hurt my feelings.  

Perhaps it was her way of expressing her excitement, but there was no way she could have known it was inappropriate or hurtful.

I wouldn't ask for it back.  You offered it with good intensions, and I think asking for it back would do a lot of damage.

Explaining, on the other hand, might teach her a deeper appreciation for what you did.
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arabella
« Reply #612 on: April 07, 2007 03:42:04 PM »

Okay, we all agree that the reaction of the recipient of the EZ Pi Shawl was inappropriate.

Part of the purpose of this thread if finding *nice* ways to deal with ignorant people.

I would sit down with the birthday friend and one on one and honestly explain how much effort was put into making the shawl and how her behavior hurt my feelings. 

Perhaps it was her way of expressing her excitement, but there was no way she could have known it was inappropriate or hurtful.

I wouldn't ask for it back.  You offered it with good intensions, and I think asking for it back would do a lot of damage.

Explaining, on the other hand, might teach her a deeper appreciation for what you did.
I guess you're talking to me?  I wasn't suggesting asking for it back meanly.  It seemed to me the recipient wasn't too thrilled with the present, so maybe she'd be relieved not to have the burden of it... I think we've all received that well-meaning gift that we have to guiltily trot out when the giver visits...  It's obviously impossible for me to say what the OP should do, but I really would have asked for it back if I felt someone mocked it, in the way that I said: "it seems this isn't to your liking so let me give you something you will enjoy".  Whenever I give a knitted gift I always say, as if it would be super easy, "hey if this isn't to your taste, no problem, I absolutely understand, just let me know and I can undo it and make something you'd like!"    As for the recipient not knowing her reaction was inappropriate, I think anyone over the age of 5 knows how to act when given a gift, and that certainly isn't it.
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knittinfiasco
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« Reply #613 on: April 08, 2007 01:05:22 AM »

I guess you're talking to me?  I wasn't suggesting asking for it back meanly. [...]   As for the recipient not knowing her reaction was inappropriate, I think anyone over the age of 5 knows how to act when given a gift, and that certainly isn't it.

Actually, no.  My post was not directed to you.  You were not the first to suggest taking it back.  I actually thought your suggestion of asking for it back politely was helpful, but in my opinion, steps could be taken before getting to that point.

I do disagree with people over the age of 5 necessarily knowing what is good behavior.  Not everyone learns etiquette by that age, for whatever reason (no one ever taught them, they never paid attention to what people said, who knows?).  Just look at the sterling (I'm being sarcastic) example of Dudley Dursley in the movie Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's/Philosopher's Stone (it's his birthday in the opening scenes).

I believe polite behavior and good communication is a 2-way street.

My sister, for example, was told by a former friend that she was a B**** and rude--supposedly for behavior that "everyone" should know.  The former friend broke off the friendship immediately after calling my sister all this crap.  My sister & her former friend was definitely older than 5, but my sister was at a loss as to how she was rude, could have known what course of action to take, or why she would deserve to be given the cold shoulder and called names, even after apologizing for her behavior.  I'm personally of the opinion that the former friend was the rude one (because the situation was not as cut and dry as the former friend claimed). 

My parents didn't grow up in the US.  There was no way they could have learned all the etiquette of a drastically different culture quick enough to teach us children all the nuances.  People make mistakes and at times need to be told they've made some, and be given a chance to correct them (unlike the my-way-or-the-highway of my sister's former friend).
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aunt carrot
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« Reply #614 on: April 08, 2007 08:37:39 AM »

Did anyone see the Christmas episode of The Office (US version) where they did the Yankee Swap so that Michael Scott could unload Phyllis's gift of handknit potholders on someone else? It was so embarrassing and infuriating to watch Phyllis's reaction, and that was the intent of the show. If The Office gets it, there's no reason the OP's friend shouldn't, especially after it's explained to her, since the OP never mentioned any reason (such as being from a different culture) her friend wouldn't understand polite gift-giving and -receiving behavior here. I'm sorry someone was rude to your sister, but that's neither here nor there.

As far as "doing a lot of damage" by asking for the shawl back, I think the damage has been done. It's not hurting someone to point out that they've done something rude and hurtful to you, it's standing up for yourself. I don't think I could remain friends with someone who didn't apologize when I explained that their reaction to my gift was so hurtful I almost cried in public, even if they didn't really understand. I said in a previous post that I might not have been able to keep my composure, by which I did not mean that keeping one's composure is wrong or unnecesary, just that it's difficult. I trust the OP to stand up for herself politely, given her restraint at the time of the incident.
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« Reply #615 on: April 08, 2007 03:14:30 PM »

My first reaction to ax174's story was to ask...was she drunk?

Seriously even when you get a non-handmade gift who acts like that.....

This is why I stick to baby blankets little buggers can't complain  Wink
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FluffyMonkey
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« Reply #616 on: April 08, 2007 05:42:00 PM »

If The Office gets it, there's no reason the OP's friend shouldn't, especially after it's explained to her, since the OP never mentioned any reason (such as being from a different culture) her friend wouldn't understand polite gift-giving and -receiving behavior here. I'm sorry someone was rude to your sister, but that's neither here nor there.

I completely agree. If someone without extenuating circumstances (such as growing up in a different culture) was that rude when receiving a gift, we shouldn't coddle them. Even if "they don't know any better." Such behavior is never appropriate. Did she do that with any of the other gifts at her party? Probably not. It would be inappropriate and hurtful to the giver whether he or she made the present or not. Even if a gift is not your style, you should smile and thank the giver kindly because it's the thought, not the gift, that counts. You wouldn't even have to wear something as lovely as that shawl. You could put it on your bed or hang it on the wall or use it as a throw if it was something you couldn't see yourself wearing. Good grief.... It's heirloom quality for goodness sake!

I do disagree with people over the age of 5 necessarily knowing what is good behavior.  Not everyone learns etiquette by that age, for whatever reason (no one ever taught them, they never paid attention to what people said, who knows?).  Just look at the sterling (I'm being sarcastic) example of Dudley Dursley in the movie Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's/Philosopher's Stone (it's his birthday in the opening scenes).

Okay... Dudley is a horrible example of any way to behave in any culture. He is a spoiled brat and was meant to be taken that way. I don't think he ever did anything that anyone should ever emulate. Seriously. Yeah, no one said anything to him, but that was because his parents are enablers and terrible parents and Harry wasn't in a position to be able to comment on anything without getting in far more trouble than it was worth.

Anyway, yeah, some people act like that, but their behavior isn't okay and doesn't justify anyone else behaving like that.
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tajhia
« Reply #617 on: April 08, 2007 06:09:34 PM »

I post regularly on a private messageboard (closed to everyone but a close knit group of online freinds - more than half of us have never met, but we are really really good freinds)....  I occasionally post pics of my socks (several are knitters and bragging is allowed and encouraged) and lots of the non-knitters have hinted that they are craving pairs of my socks.......  so I have knitted several....  mostly without being asked, some when they have asked but in return for swapsies (for example the pair I am knitting at the moment I am being sent some marmite from the UK in return....  I miss marmite with a passion as do  all my children!)  in every case the recipient has been so grateful, I don't always get a public thankyou (and I don't expect it tbh) but do get lovely emails....

what I am trying to say is knitting for people who ask is not always bad..  and I love knitting for them, and encouraging the fledgling knitters among them as well....  one lady I knitted socks for has not yet worn hers - she feels they are too good for day to day wearing and should be saved for best (ie those times she needs pampering) another has worn hers on a daily basis since being given them (she rinises them out and puts them to dry overnight), but is now embarassd that they are wearing out...  (so I sent her the remaining leftover yarn from the ball so she can darn them!)  but I don't care if they wear their socks and they end up in holes or if they just keep them and fondle them and save them for a special occasion - all I ask is that they love them!

I am now knitting some socks for one woman who is pregnant - these are for her baby........

but I will not knit for someone who will not love and appreciate my work......  keep it and love it, or wear it out, I don't care - just love it......
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Clare-Dragonfly
« Reply #618 on: April 14, 2007 10:31:49 PM »

Hm, I seem to have a different reaction to the Pi Shawl Incident than anyone else who's posted, so I guess I'll post mine. I didn't think her reaction showed that she disliked the gift at all. It sounded like a happy reaction to me. I just think that the reaction to something so gorgeous (I googled it, and wow) is, well, bizarre. Something beautiful and delicate like that just doesn't seem like something that anyone would start horsing around with--not just because it's rude, but because that's just not the sort of thing you tie around your neck like a superhero cape! Do you see what I mean?

I don't really have an answer, I'm just confused by the recipient's reaction.
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« Reply #619 on: April 15, 2007 01:39:51 PM »

Cough! Oh god COUGH!!!

Ahem, excuse me.

Sewing is not "fast and easy."

By the way, offering to teach (if you don't mind) is a good way to get them making things on their own. And what kind of dog does she have that needs a charity sweater so badly she's only willing to pay 10 dollars?

Looking good is priceless.



Edited to add: Oh how this thread has evolved..
« Last Edit: April 15, 2007 01:42:41 PM by Dinosaurus Meg » THIS ROCKS   Logged

Hey Fiber People: I am very interested in personal swaps for painted/dyed roving or top. I can swap supplies or crafted items. Let's talk!

Every body wants a rock to wind a piece of string around.
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