Sad art doll

[wendiek]

Hi all!

This will be a different kind of post for the first time. For those who know me, it won't be that happy and bright this time. So please be patient.

This time of year I am always very busy at school with the holidays, I'm busy with an education, so: tired but also this time of year I feel a sort of wistful. It all has to do with me being a 9 year old girl, loosing my mom (she died of cancer) and growing up so fast after that.
This Sunday I felt so bad, sad, wistful and wanted to do something with that feeling. Not only did I cry a lot, I also made my very first art doll. Here she is:



I didn't really have a plan, just went with what felt right.
So this is the little girl inside of me, she sometimes gets out and makes me sad and cry all day long.
I made red eyes, due to all the crying. A sad mouth, big tears. Once I start crying, the tears keep coming.
There is a sort of thinking cloud, because I still think about my mom a lot. Even though it has been more than 30 years ago.



More detailed picture of the face.



Details on the body. My heart has been ripped in two pieces, sort of healed but the scar is visible if you take a closer look.
I hold a heart in my hand, that stands for the new love I found: my partner and my two kids. I hold a star in my other hand, that represents my mother. I still feel her around me, I believe her energy, her thoughts and love is still here. So I hold on to that.

The doll has unequal legs: my imperfections.  And at the back you can see the simple pieces of string for hair.
On the right you can see my stitches, I closed it but made it not that neat. I sometimes feel empty and need to fill up again. And if you know me, really know me, you'll notice the scars I have. Which is okay, it made me, ME. And I am proud to be ME.



If you have read all this, thanks for staying with me. I have been very honest, shared my pain with you. Don't worry, I am fine. Just have this feeling every now and then. I hope the art doll reminds me more of sharing my pain and sadness and to accept that feeling 

Thanks for letting me share this with you.

[Leslieshappyheart]

Wow, Wendie, it looks like this doll was good therapy for you!  That's what's so good about crafting.  I like the way you went with your feelings and let them guide you through the creative process, and I like that each part of the doll has special meaning.  Thanks for sharing your story, which I never would have guessed, because I've always known you to be very happy.

[wendiek]

Wow, Wendie, it looks like this doll was good therapy for you!  That's what's so good about crafting.  I like the way you went with your feelings and let them guide you through the creative process, and I like that each part of the doll has special meaning.  Thanks for sharing your story, which I never would have guessed, because I've always known you to be very happy.

Thanks Leslie! It really was therapy.
This was my first time really letting my feeling decide which way to go, that process was what I wanted to show and share.
And even though it might sound contradictory, loosing my mother at a young age made me the positive and happy person I normally am.
I don't like feeling sad, it is a lonely feeling, and I don't allow it to come up. I need to learn to recognize it earlier on and allow myself to feel a little sad now and then. Because if I don't, I break down and cry all day long maybe 1 day in the year. BLEH, I so dislike that feeling.

Thanks for your comment Leslie! 

[Smmarrt]

Thanks for sharing your story and your process. I think she's sweet and sad but I like sad things.

[alwaysinmyroom]

Wonderful things often come from our pain...we learn and grow and become the human beings we are intended to be...you have such a warm, happy spirit...it is great that you honor your times of sadness and not let them grow inside of you and turn you bitter and sad forever!

I love your story and your doll...each piece is part of your story in real life...it is nicely done and creative as well!

[gotgrey]

Oh wendiek, I'm so sorry about your mother.  I lost my mother 6yrs ago to misdiagnosed brain cancer.  Everybody, and I mean EVERYBODY looked to me to be their rock, their strength, their support.  You should allow yourself to grieve, to be sad, to cry.  I didn't grieve my mother's death till much, much later.  I don't share my pain w/anybody else.  It is my pain, my burden, as everybody else's pain is my burden.  I grieve in private.  My mother's death taught me how to be self reliant, how to be my own strength, how to be the strength for somebody else.  While it was a painful and tragic event in my life, it made me stronger, and I think a better sister, and daughter.  I'll keep you in my heart, thoughts, and prayers.  I know time doesn't always heal all wounds, or lessen the pain of those wounds.  Feel free to PM me if you ever need to talk.  My ears are always open.  I love your doll by the way.

[Sharalee]

Wendie, Your story was heart felt, I cried through the whole thing & still chocked up while i'm writing this. But I think it was good for you to get it out & each piece of the doll is part of you.I I would never thought, with you being so fun & happy & good spirits all of the time on craftster. Thanks for sharing your special story & your doll is truly a work of Love!

[CraftyMamaBee]

Wendie she is an amazing doll with such a wonderful story. I love how everything has a purpose and reason! You are an amazing woman! I  so very happy you shared this.

[wendiek]

Thanks for all your nice comments, ladies! I love how she looks and know that this was how I felt at that moment. Which is okay, not fun, but okay.

Thanks gotgrey for your support and offer to pm. I have always felt that pain and sorrow are very private feelings and I have a hard time sharing them. But I agree, you should allow yourself to go through it, but saying that isn't as easy as experiencing it. I also believe that this made me stronger and a better person than I was. You can pm me too, any time, I know what it feels like!

Shari and Beck, thanks! I will remain that positive person I am, it feels very good to share this with you.

[susanab]

dear wendie,
thank you for being so brave to share this with us. this doll that you created is a lovely testament to how deep your feelings are for your mother and the concern of having lost almost your whole childhood. i love your art doll--wow that this is your first. she is sad, but so full of life. broken hearted but giving so much love. i am going to cuddle you and her with prayers and i hope that you can feel it from so far away. we are all in this craftster family--so different and coming from places and events that don't match up. me, i think it's a God thing!
xoxo