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Topic: Partners Have Feelings  (Read 3897 times)
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TheManicCrafter
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« on: November 08, 2011 10:48:52 AM »

I am not one to complain usually and I'm not crying about anything but I have to say folks need to remember that their partners have feelings and put a lot of time and effort into things.  Following are things to ponder.

Receiving

Like when you receive an item you should post in the gallery about it even if you've had to ask your partner to upload photos, a one sentence private message saying *got it love it*, just doesn't give the person who did all that hard work warm fuzzies, doesn't give the other swap participants any idea about usage..

If something doesn't fit private message your partner for perhaps they can fix it rather than posting in the forum, lord knows I've just smiled and nodded and posted all clear when I've had things not fit and just fixed them myself.

If you get something you just don't think is a quality piece but obviously took a good bit of time to do, suck it up, we all started with something along the lines of Elmer glue, paper, and scissors.

Sometimes even if you're clear on what you want something happens to a project your partner was making for you and it had to literally be scrapped, if this has happened and you know it happened be happy that they were still able to make something else in time to send.


Sending

Sometimes you get a partner that you wouldn't have chosen for yourself in a bazillion years because you can tell by their swap info that they are nothing at all like you and what they like just literally rubs you the wrong way, but you should do your very best for them anyway... I'm just saying, twining a single ribbon around something bought doesn't make it a crafted item it shows laziness that had a bow put on it.

Be sure to be clear in what your likes are and what you might actually want rather than giving an obscure list of likes and then saying "oh anything will be fine" cause if you want something specific then don't tell people to look at your wist or pinterest for ideas of your style and wishes.

Barring an emergency or accident, if you're supposed to send something on a day and you knew about it for weeks then do so.


If we all keep this stuff in mind then feelings of happiness for our partners can be crafted  Smiley



« Last Edit: November 08, 2011 05:31:28 PM by TheManicCrafter » THIS ROCKS   Logged

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« Reply #1 on: November 10, 2011 08:23:51 PM »

I agree and I think all swappers should read this.

On a side note: sometimes people are partnered with someone they have nothing in common with because one or both of the swappers refuse to send internationally or one or both swappers are the only ones to meet certain allergy requirements.  Still, I agree that a store bought item with a bow around it is not hand-crafted.  Swaps are about crafting and you should put some effort into it.
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« Reply #2 on: November 30, 2011 04:41:40 PM »

I kindly don't fully agree with all of this.

Like when you receive an item you should post in the gallery about it even if you've had to ask your partner to upload photos, a one sentence private message saying *got it love it*, just doesn't give the person who did all that hard work warm fuzzies, doesn't give the other swap participants any idea about usage..

It feels much nicer to hear something more than *got it love it* for me too, but if that's how my partner feels, why should they have to embellish just to satisfy/protect my ego?  If I am pleased with the parcel I've sent, I will have warm fuzzies anyway, without relying on anyone else.  Keep in mind that it's perfectly acceptable as a sender to post photos and additional information about the parcel.

If something doesn't fit private message your partner for perhaps they can fix it rather than posting in the forum, lord knows I've just smiled and nodded and posted all clear when I've had things not fit and just fixed them myself.

What's so insensitive about posting in the forum that a piece of clothing doesn't fit?  If that's the case, then that's what it is...  It's a statement, not a representation of the sender's poor character or lack of dedication to create a beautiful gift.  Does this type of announcement signify ill-intent towards the sender?  Likely not.  If anything, announcing it publicly may bring into awareness that crafting wearables is a gamble when the crafter may not have measurements and/or the partner can't try it on in person throughout the process.

If you get something you just don't think is a quality piece but obviously took a good bit of time to do, suck it up, we all started with something along the lines of Elmer glue, paper, and scissors.

You do realize that you are telling receivers to disregard their own feelings, to *suck it up,* when the scenarios in this entire section to me moreso reflect the sender's inability to cope with how their partner may feel about the gifts, right?  If a receiver doesn't love the gift, it's seemingly not ok to express that.  If they pretend they do by writing a simple *got it loved it*, that's not enough either...  

I do feel there is a point where we as swappers have to move past the point of disillusionment that all gifts will be loved, be useful, will fit, etc...  And I don't mean that there is any need to be abrasive.  I personally would never tell my partner there is a gift I don't like but I won't exaggerate my feelings just to soothe anyone's insecurities either.  

In the swaps I organize, there is no point-system in place.  Participants are encouraged to craft what they can or want.  As strongly as I recommend that partners communicate regularly with their progress, I note that an imbalance may occur in package sizes.  Members should only join the swap under the condition that they ACCEPT such an outcome.  

In relation to all swaps, I think a certain level of acceptance needs to be reached on various levels.  Accept that you may not receive what you asked for.  Accept that both packages may not compare in quality.  Accept the possibility that you may receive a package late.  Accept that your partner may flake.  Accept that your partner may be trying a new craft and it will show.  Accept that you may be trying a new craft and your partner may not be impressed.  Accept the consequences for sending late, not communicating, etc.  Accept the fact that you may have to post photos in the gallery because your partner won't.  Accept the possibility of being paired up with someone you have nothing in common with.  Etc, etc, etc.

I feel it's wiser to place the focus on the acceptance of what can happen rather than to try to have others change to please me.

Sometimes even if you're clear on what you want something happens to a project your partner was making for you and it had to literally be scrapped, if this has happened and you know it happened be happy that they were still able to make something else in time to send.

Same as above.  If they are disappointed, so be it.  It doesn't mean there are any ill intentions towards the sender because the receiver's most-wanted craft wasn't made.  Why can't senders sometimes take things less personally?  Or stay clear of the organized swapa and stick to personal ones if they can't handle the reaction?      

Sometimes you get a partner that you wouldn't have chosen for yourself in a bazillion years because you can tell by their swap info that they are nothing at all like you and what they like just literally rubs you the wrong way, but you should do your very best for them anyway... I'm just saying, twining a single ribbon around something bought doesn't make it a crafted item it shows laziness that had a bow put on it.

After writing a post that revolves around "considering feelings" it's surprising to read such a statement.  A public one at that.  It goes against the etiquette you just suggested be created and I'm sure you've managed to crush a few members of this community who've taken that route.

There could be various reasons for sending a purchased gift, other than laziness.  Maybe the sender wanted to give their partner a wished for item but couldn't craft it with quality.  The store-bought item was the solution.  The purchase could have been made with consideration and likely still costs money.  I'd be thrilled if my partner saw something in a store and included it in the package because they thoughts I'd like it.  Bonus if they nailed it.

If you can't find any appreciation in receiving something that was bought, well, don't be surprised that others may also not show appreciation either.  Perhaps for different reasons... and perhaps even about packages that were sent by you.

Be sure to be clear in what your likes are and what you might actually want rather than giving an obscure list of likes and then saying "oh anything will be fine" cause if you want something specific then don't tell people to look at your wist or pinterest for ideas of your style and wishes.

Sending a detailed wishlist doesn't promise anything either though.  Especially if they have no experience with the medium(s).

Barring an emergency or accident, if you're supposed to send something on a day and you knew about it for weeks then do so.

This is a matter of opinion.  Even barring those instances, life in general can be a factor in sending late.  I would personally rather my partner send late but finish the last project with dedication than not put any care into it but send on time.
« Last Edit: November 30, 2011 04:43:02 PM by dreadlocklove » THIS ROCKS   Logged

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« Reply #3 on: December 01, 2011 11:43:48 AM »

I kindly don't fully agree with all of this.

And that's ok, you don't have to, feelings are like a coin sometimes Smiley heads or tails, sometimes it just lands on it's side.
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« Reply #4 on: December 02, 2011 07:13:02 AM »

That's the tough part about implementing certain rules with the swaps.  We are all different and able to handle the situations that arise differently.
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« Reply #5 on: June 29, 2013 07:06:59 PM »

I guess I will put my 2 cents in here, rather than starting another topic.
I have been bothered lately by seeing folks post what they got just as a matter of fact, with no thank-yous, no comments, nothing to communicate to the sender that they give a damn at all. This has happened to me only once and it bothered me, but I see it quite a bit happening to others and maybe I am too in touch with other's feelings or perhaps even projecting. But in the end, I believe that it is bordering rude to just post, saying 'this is what i got'.  Kind of like a 4-year old on Christmas day, holding up an opened gift to show the room then tossing it aside in her search for something more interesting.
Would very much welcome feedback on this.
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« Reply #6 on: June 29, 2013 08:31:46 PM »

I always thank my partner in my posts in the swap gallery!  And, I always have nice comments on what I've received.  In the recent IYP: Summer Do-Si-Do swap, I received LOVELY items!  A gorgeous quilt, in colors of my choosing, and BEAUTIFUL greyhound items, including a HUGE crocheted replica of my beloved, late greyhound.  I was touched beyond words, and I cried, and cried, and cried as I held that something extra special.  My partner had gone to greyt lengths to make it look just like my beloved boy!  Even adding a real pet tag w/his name on the front, and RIP on the back.  I told my partner it was like having a part of him w/me.  I miss him very much, even 6yrs later, and holding that crocheted, stuffed version of him helps heal some of the hurt of losing him.  So, yes, partners have feelings that should be considered w/great care.  Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.  I consider my feelings precious, precious gifts/treasures and my partner's feelings are just as precious to me. 
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« Reply #7 on: June 30, 2013 06:55:09 AM »

I've been swapping on Craftster for about 7 years.  When I started I'm sure I sent things that were not entirely lovely (I still may, I'm not fabulous still!); but due to the kind remarks and helpful comments on swap items - sent privately - I was able to improve my crafts and not have hurt feelings.  Sometimes people don't think they are hurting your feelings, they believe they are being helpful, but it may not be taken that way. Smiley

I think that as long as the swapper/crafter is honestly trying and trying to improve their crafting, there's no reason to call them out/make them feel bad on purpose.  I have said things like 'This was x's first attempt at making jewelry and it's beautiful'.  The item was just fine, it was their first attempt and I encouraged them.  Nothing wrong there.

No one has to completely agree, we're all different...but we all should think of others feelings and how our words may be taken as they are in print instead of voice.
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« Reply #8 on: June 30, 2013 09:34:08 AM »

I'm just saying, twining a single ribbon around something bought doesn't make it a crafted item it shows laziness that had a bow put on it.


There could be various reasons for sending a purchased gift, other than laziness.  Maybe the sender wanted to give their partner a wished for item but couldn't craft it with quality.  The store-bought item was the solution.  The purchase could have been made with consideration and likely still costs money.  I'd be thrilled if my partner saw something in a store and included it in the package because they thoughts I'd like it.  Bonus if they nailed it.

If you can't find any appreciation in receiving something that was bought, well, don't be surprised that others may also not show appreciation either.  Perhaps for different reasons... and perhaps even about packages that were sent by you.


It's one thing if the store bought item is an extra, but if it's intended to be the main item in a package, that's a no-no. Craftster promotes craft swaps. Unless the swap is specifically for craft supplies, the majority of items within the package should be crafted!

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« Reply #9 on: June 30, 2013 09:57:48 AM »

If I send purchased items, they are intended to be extras, not main items.  I like to send fabric, supplies, and books.  They are, in my mind's eye, extras.  All of my "main items" are crafted, by me.  And, I won't try something new, and send it, because I want my swap partner to be happy w/what they receive from me.  And, I want what they receive from me, to be well crafted.  Well crafted, to me at least,=something I know how to do well.  And, if I don't like how it turned out, I won't send it.  If I'm not happy w/it, how could my partner be happy w/it? 
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« Reply #10 on: June 30, 2013 10:48:18 AM »

Purchased items as extras are fine! We just don't want someone purchasing something and tying a ribbon on it and trying to count that as their main crafted item.
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« Reply #11 on: June 30, 2013 12:28:06 PM »

You know, I'm still rather new here myself, and currently in my 2nd only swap ever (aside ofc from one personal swap), but I can understand wanting a little gratitude for one's hardwork, but you cant expect something that you wont give yourself... I had a wonderful swap, with two wonderful ladies, one made several pairs of fingerless crocheted gloves for not only me, but my darling toddler too, and to this day my daughter still brings me her little pink gloves and begs for me to put them on so she can trot around in nothing but her diaper and her lil gloves. I couldnt express my happiness enough over those lil pink gloves =)

I've got a partner now, making two cute stuffed animals, one for my daughter, and one for my blind cousin who barely has any toys safe for him to play with. For the thoughtfulness and the extra hard work she's putting into making an extra for my little cousin, I feel the need to match that and put extra hard work into the items I'm making for her....but not everyone thinks like I do, I'm weird I know!

The thing I like best about craftster is its a great place to meet people on a normal day, you might never think to strick up a conversation with. And while you may not always meet someone who shares your common interests, you do get to meet someone new, and make friends with people you might never have considered before. As a girl who grew up locked in a house and homeschooled, I love this place, everyone I've met thus far is very nice and even the constructive critisim is kind...

Ive made a ton of things that have gone awry (thanks to a cute lil girl who wants to help mommy sew xD), and some, rather than scrap and remake, those lil flubs add character. I dont care if someone likes it or not, ofc it means that much more to be if they do like it, but if they are glad I took the time to make what I did for them, then thats enough for me =) its fun to try and make new things, and share them with others (and I'm sure other mommy's will agree, its a great lesson for the little ones)

I'm likely rambling at this point.... but honestly, treat others how you would like to be treated, could really come into play here...if you want gratitude, show gratitude....if you want something someone put effort into, put effort into things you, yourself create.... and be thankful for what you have and not envious of what you dont.... =)

And the baby said "and we all want a tubtub" (her 2 cents ha ha ha)
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« Reply #12 on: June 30, 2013 02:07:09 PM »

Tenitsu-thanks! Grin

I've been reading these posts, and as always, have an opinion!

I think there might be two big issues that stop people from showing their appreciation for swap items:

1)  Sometime during the swap process something happens in their life that (seemingly) prevents them from taking the time out to show their appreciation....(Sickness of the person swapping would be an exception, but people not saying thank you happens too much for THAT MANY people to use sickness as an excuse.)

2)  The person does not feel matched well with their partner and just wants to get the swap done and over with.

I have an issue with both of the above.  When my FIL passed, my DH and I were in charge of the funeral and making all the arrangements (he was divorced).  I was in the middle of a swap and was still able to finish crafting and send on time.  As far as number two above, I have been mismatched with many partners for several months now.  But you try your best and use your manners-THEN move on.

And as I'm typing this I'm thinking....even if you can't take literally a moment to show your appreciation for the package you received...doing so at a later time is better than not doing it at all.

Tenitsu, your DD might be right...maybe these people need a "tubtub". Cheesy
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« Reply #13 on: September 21, 2013 07:45:04 PM »

I think some of this is a bit silly. Really I enjoy crafting for different people because that is how I learn about new things, try new things and expand my horizons. I thought that was what Swaps are about. Also I love giving and know that if what I get isn't perfect or to my liking, it doesn't matter because I had fun making my stuff. I do swaps to give and not receive and I think if you go into a swap only to receive, you or your partner or both are going to be disappointed. Also some things you get are just so awesome they make up for any swaps that you may not have been happy with.
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« Reply #14 on: September 21, 2013 08:01:43 PM »

Honestly I think I'm in like my 3rd or 4th ever swap (hell I lost count already ha ha!) and perfection doesnt matter to me unless ofc its something I am personally working on....my perfectionist attitude can make it difficult to be satisfied with anything I complete >.>

But its the little imperfections that make a handmade item so awesome, it shows how much hard effort someone truly put into making it (even more so if its a craft one isnt used to doing or had just started) I'm one of those people who can put a ton of stuff on the "list to make" and never once make it for myself....but if the opportunity comes to make it for someone else XD suddenly it gets made ha ha ha!! (i'm sure a good many of us have been there!)

Even if a person doesnt like the item, as long as they appreciate the effort that went in to trying to make it for them, that enough puts me in my happy place for days! (as long as the car doesnt break down suddenly lol!!) But as we know, not everything goes the way we plan, or how we would like....that's why we shape up and ship out onto the next thing =) I love this swapping thing tbh, I brighten someone else's day, and my day is brightened too, whether its a gift in return (ie the swap >----<) or just the fact that someone loves what I made, I find it worth it and look forward to each opporunity I get to get into trouble (as my husband calls it haha)
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« Reply #15 on: September 23, 2013 06:07:25 PM »

My two penneth worth is that everyone should consider their partners feelings, whether they are sending or receiving.

I am not great at many crafts, and often wonder if I should stop participating as I don't always match the quality of people sending to me. However I know that every single thing I make has not only taken me a long time (I often do and redo things) but is sent with love and to the very best of my ability. I figure that if people want perfection they should go find something at the mall (or as us English say, on the high street). Because I know I am not great at things, I tend to spoil my partner to make up for the fact it is not great. (I do however only send things that are fit for purpose, and even if they don't look amazing they are useable.) I'd love to say I would not consider sending anything that is not finished, but actually in my last swap I did! (I sent a stuffed toy for my partners guinea pigs not knowing what eyes they would be allowed, so I sent a kit in a plastic pot with safety eyes, buttons, black thread and even a needle, so she could use what she was happy with. I also sent a tote with a picture transferred onto it. I had done about 3 steps already and put it in the airing cupboard to dry overnight. When I was doing last minute touches to things before I sent, I realised that to finish it off it needed another layer of paste and then to be left overnight. As all you had to do was put a layer of paste on the picture I sent my partner a well wrapped bag and the paste and instructions, and was hoping there was enough paste there for her to do a picture on something else! So it was kind of an added bonus!). However with all that said I also don't mind if crafts I receive are not perfect/great as long as it is evident that the person has done their best.

I also really HATE seeing a post saying "I received here are the pictures"without even a thank you. I don't care how busy you are, if you have time to do the swap and then post photos you can find ten seconds to type "thank you I really appreciate it" or such like. You don't have to gush, but manners are free!



To sum up, yes we need to take our partners feelings into account, but it works both ways.

As an aside, talking about not buying and decorating things-does this always apply? ie in the swap I mentioned up there I bought a wooden box from a craft shop. I painted it green, added stickers saying "treats" then painted over them so it made the letters 3D and made and painted a guinea pig. I then supeeglued it to the painted lid and varnished it all. Does that count as crafted or should I have sent it as an extra?

Also I have a plan to buy something for another swap, but to cover it in fabric with possibly a cross stitch. What would that count as?

The trouble with swaps are there is so much grey between the black and white!
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« Reply #16 on: September 23, 2013 06:18:07 PM »

Both of those things would be considered crafted! Now, if you purchased a wooden box and sent it "as is", that would not.
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« Reply #17 on: September 23, 2013 06:23:40 PM »

Thanks Tacky, that's as I thought but still good to have it confirmed. I was trying to figure out if "tie a ribbon on it" meant altering it or dressing it up to look like a gift! Hey it's 2:20am here and I am not well!
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« Reply #18 on: June 16, 2014 09:51:25 AM »

There is a flip side to this, too. I have felt before that I spent so much time on items for a swap and then ended up with a feeling that my partner spent what felt like half of that time on my package. Granted, I would never say anything about that, I show gratitude and play up the good parts of everything. If you don't use it, that's ok, but it is a little disappointing sometimes when you feel like you gave your partner things they'd use and you don't get that back. That is the nature of swapping, though, sometimes you are a little underwhelmed, and sometimes you hit the jackpot!
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« Reply #19 on: June 17, 2014 06:13:03 AM »

For my part, I never expect my swap partner to spend as much time on their items as I do on mine, because I spend ridiculous amounts of time on swap projects. Shocked  I sometimes worry  it will make my partner feel bad that they didn't or couldn't spend as much time crafting, but for me the joy of swapping is to make something for someone to the best of my ability and time, and since I only work part time for $, I realize I have much more spare time than most people.  Mostly I want my partners to have fun making something for me; how much time they spend is up to them!  Smiley
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Ratfinkz
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« Reply #20 on: June 17, 2014 01:54:29 PM »

Agree completely with you Ludi - though I was upset lately when I had spent ages on a parcel (I am a fairly slow crafter anyhow - and the amount of new things I did made it even longer). The parcel I received was a lot better than the one I sent - but my partner made it fairly clear she was unhappy with what I sent. I sent her a pm apologising if she didn't like it - but she did not reply. I have had partners in the past who have sent better parcels, and those who have sent worse than what I have sent them - but I am still appreciative of everything I receive - because I appreciate people spending time making things for me even if it is not what I would have chosen myself. To me swaps are meant to be fun - i want my partner to enjoy themselves when they are making for me. I never am pleased with what I send - but I always make to the best of my ability. TBH I am now considering whether to keep swapping or not - as the feeling of not being good enough is awful.
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« Reply #21 on: June 17, 2014 03:13:43 PM »

Aw, Ratfinkz, don't give up!  Everyone here has different abilities and it's the trying and caring that counts!   Kiss
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« Reply #22 on: June 17, 2014 03:59:51 PM »

Ratfinkz...I am so sorry that you've had that experience with swapping.  I've been in over a hundred swaps, and I could count on one hand the times that I've been truly disappointed with what my swap partner sent (i.e.-no time or thought was put into the items that were sent, they were falling apart, obviously not my tastes, etc...).  However, I've NEVER told the partner that I was disappointed.  I think that is rude and it is more of a reflection on that person, rather than on you and/or what you sent.  I've seen your work on Craftster, and you are an amazing crafter.  Please don't let this experience sour you on swapping!  I guess it's just a numbers game, the more often you swap, chances are you are going to run into a few experiences that may be unsettling.  But the other side of that is that you more often make friends and receive swap packages that are AMAZING!!!!!!!!!
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« Reply #23 on: June 17, 2014 09:20:21 PM »

I have quite a few swaps under my belt and I still have that feeling of not being good enough.  But I continue to swap because it makes me happy to create.  I love swapping online because even if my partner dislikes what I make, I will usually never know.  I know that I try my hardest when I craft for others but I also know that my likes and preferences are not always the same as other people.  So even though I am proud of my creations, I understand that others might not feel the same way.  As long as I hear a little thank you, that is satisfying enough for me.  I also have received items that are not my style but I appreciate the time and care that has gone into the package and let my partner know I appreciate it. That is what is the most important to me.  When I do not hear anything from my partner, I admit my feelings hurt but that happens less than the admiration and appreciation does.  Hang in there and don't let a few bad experiences thwart your creativity. 
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« Reply #24 on: June 17, 2014 11:17:33 PM »

That's terrible, Ratfinkz! I'm sorry that happened! Sad No one should be made to feel like that!
I also was not trying to complain about anything, just voicing another side of the "partners have feelings" debate. I still love swapping, and a lot of the things I really treasure have come from swaps!!
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