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Topic: Partners Have Feelings  (Read 3885 times)
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TheManicCrafter
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« on: November 08, 2011 10:48:52 AM »

I am not one to complain usually and I'm not crying about anything but I have to say folks need to remember that their partners have feelings and put a lot of time and effort into things.  Following are things to ponder.

Receiving

Like when you receive an item you should post in the gallery about it even if you've had to ask your partner to upload photos, a one sentence private message saying *got it love it*, just doesn't give the person who did all that hard work warm fuzzies, doesn't give the other swap participants any idea about usage..

If something doesn't fit private message your partner for perhaps they can fix it rather than posting in the forum, lord knows I've just smiled and nodded and posted all clear when I've had things not fit and just fixed them myself.

If you get something you just don't think is a quality piece but obviously took a good bit of time to do, suck it up, we all started with something along the lines of Elmer glue, paper, and scissors.

Sometimes even if you're clear on what you want something happens to a project your partner was making for you and it had to literally be scrapped, if this has happened and you know it happened be happy that they were still able to make something else in time to send.


Sending

Sometimes you get a partner that you wouldn't have chosen for yourself in a bazillion years because you can tell by their swap info that they are nothing at all like you and what they like just literally rubs you the wrong way, but you should do your very best for them anyway... I'm just saying, twining a single ribbon around something bought doesn't make it a crafted item it shows laziness that had a bow put on it.

Be sure to be clear in what your likes are and what you might actually want rather than giving an obscure list of likes and then saying "oh anything will be fine" cause if you want something specific then don't tell people to look at your wist or pinterest for ideas of your style and wishes.

Barring an emergency or accident, if you're supposed to send something on a day and you knew about it for weeks then do so.


If we all keep this stuff in mind then feelings of happiness for our partners can be crafted  Smiley



« Last Edit: November 08, 2011 05:31:28 PM by TheManicCrafter » THIS ROCKS   Logged

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« Reply #1 on: November 10, 2011 08:23:51 PM »

I agree and I think all swappers should read this.

On a side note: sometimes people are partnered with someone they have nothing in common with because one or both of the swappers refuse to send internationally or one or both swappers are the only ones to meet certain allergy requirements.  Still, I agree that a store bought item with a bow around it is not hand-crafted.  Swaps are about crafting and you should put some effort into it.
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« Reply #2 on: November 30, 2011 04:41:40 PM »

I kindly don't fully agree with all of this.

Like when you receive an item you should post in the gallery about it even if you've had to ask your partner to upload photos, a one sentence private message saying *got it love it*, just doesn't give the person who did all that hard work warm fuzzies, doesn't give the other swap participants any idea about usage..

It feels much nicer to hear something more than *got it love it* for me too, but if that's how my partner feels, why should they have to embellish just to satisfy/protect my ego?  If I am pleased with the parcel I've sent, I will have warm fuzzies anyway, without relying on anyone else.  Keep in mind that it's perfectly acceptable as a sender to post photos and additional information about the parcel.

If something doesn't fit private message your partner for perhaps they can fix it rather than posting in the forum, lord knows I've just smiled and nodded and posted all clear when I've had things not fit and just fixed them myself.

What's so insensitive about posting in the forum that a piece of clothing doesn't fit?  If that's the case, then that's what it is...  It's a statement, not a representation of the sender's poor character or lack of dedication to create a beautiful gift.  Does this type of announcement signify ill-intent towards the sender?  Likely not.  If anything, announcing it publicly may bring into awareness that crafting wearables is a gamble when the crafter may not have measurements and/or the partner can't try it on in person throughout the process.

If you get something you just don't think is a quality piece but obviously took a good bit of time to do, suck it up, we all started with something along the lines of Elmer glue, paper, and scissors.

You do realize that you are telling receivers to disregard their own feelings, to *suck it up,* when the scenarios in this entire section to me moreso reflect the sender's inability to cope with how their partner may feel about the gifts, right?  If a receiver doesn't love the gift, it's seemingly not ok to express that.  If they pretend they do by writing a simple *got it loved it*, that's not enough either...  

I do feel there is a point where we as swappers have to move past the point of disillusionment that all gifts will be loved, be useful, will fit, etc...  And I don't mean that there is any need to be abrasive.  I personally would never tell my partner there is a gift I don't like but I won't exaggerate my feelings just to soothe anyone's insecurities either.  

In the swaps I organize, there is no point-system in place.  Participants are encouraged to craft what they can or want.  As strongly as I recommend that partners communicate regularly with their progress, I note that an imbalance may occur in package sizes.  Members should only join the swap under the condition that they ACCEPT such an outcome.  

In relation to all swaps, I think a certain level of acceptance needs to be reached on various levels.  Accept that you may not receive what you asked for.  Accept that both packages may not compare in quality.  Accept the possibility that you may receive a package late.  Accept that your partner may flake.  Accept that your partner may be trying a new craft and it will show.  Accept that you may be trying a new craft and your partner may not be impressed.  Accept the consequences for sending late, not communicating, etc.  Accept the fact that you may have to post photos in the gallery because your partner won't.  Accept the possibility of being paired up with someone you have nothing in common with.  Etc, etc, etc.

I feel it's wiser to place the focus on the acceptance of what can happen rather than to try to have others change to please me.

Sometimes even if you're clear on what you want something happens to a project your partner was making for you and it had to literally be scrapped, if this has happened and you know it happened be happy that they were still able to make something else in time to send.

Same as above.  If they are disappointed, so be it.  It doesn't mean there are any ill intentions towards the sender because the receiver's most-wanted craft wasn't made.  Why can't senders sometimes take things less personally?  Or stay clear of the organized swapa and stick to personal ones if they can't handle the reaction?      

Sometimes you get a partner that you wouldn't have chosen for yourself in a bazillion years because you can tell by their swap info that they are nothing at all like you and what they like just literally rubs you the wrong way, but you should do your very best for them anyway... I'm just saying, twining a single ribbon around something bought doesn't make it a crafted item it shows laziness that had a bow put on it.

After writing a post that revolves around "considering feelings" it's surprising to read such a statement.  A public one at that.  It goes against the etiquette you just suggested be created and I'm sure you've managed to crush a few members of this community who've taken that route.

There could be various reasons for sending a purchased gift, other than laziness.  Maybe the sender wanted to give their partner a wished for item but couldn't craft it with quality.  The store-bought item was the solution.  The purchase could have been made with consideration and likely still costs money.  I'd be thrilled if my partner saw something in a store and included it in the package because they thoughts I'd like it.  Bonus if they nailed it.

If you can't find any appreciation in receiving something that was bought, well, don't be surprised that others may also not show appreciation either.  Perhaps for different reasons... and perhaps even about packages that were sent by you.

Be sure to be clear in what your likes are and what you might actually want rather than giving an obscure list of likes and then saying "oh anything will be fine" cause if you want something specific then don't tell people to look at your wist or pinterest for ideas of your style and wishes.

Sending a detailed wishlist doesn't promise anything either though.  Especially if they have no experience with the medium(s).

Barring an emergency or accident, if you're supposed to send something on a day and you knew about it for weeks then do so.

This is a matter of opinion.  Even barring those instances, life in general can be a factor in sending late.  I would personally rather my partner send late but finish the last project with dedication than not put any care into it but send on time.
« Last Edit: November 30, 2011 04:43:02 PM by dreadlocklove » THIS ROCKS   Logged

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TheManicCrafter
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« Reply #3 on: December 01, 2011 11:43:48 AM »

I kindly don't fully agree with all of this.

And that's ok, you don't have to, feelings are like a coin sometimes Smiley heads or tails, sometimes it just lands on it's side.
« Last Edit: December 01, 2011 11:54:04 AM by TheManicCrafter » THIS ROCKS   Logged

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« Reply #4 on: December 02, 2011 07:13:02 AM »

That's the tough part about implementing certain rules with the swaps.  We are all different and able to handle the situations that arise differently.
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« Reply #5 on: June 29, 2013 07:06:59 PM »

I guess I will put my 2 cents in here, rather than starting another topic.
I have been bothered lately by seeing folks post what they got just as a matter of fact, with no thank-yous, no comments, nothing to communicate to the sender that they give a damn at all. This has happened to me only once and it bothered me, but I see it quite a bit happening to others and maybe I am too in touch with other's feelings or perhaps even projecting. But in the end, I believe that it is bordering rude to just post, saying 'this is what i got'.  Kind of like a 4-year old on Christmas day, holding up an opened gift to show the room then tossing it aside in her search for something more interesting.
Would very much welcome feedback on this.
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« Reply #6 on: June 29, 2013 08:31:46 PM »

I always thank my partner in my posts in the swap gallery!  And, I always have nice comments on what I've received.  In the recent IYP: Summer Do-Si-Do swap, I received LOVELY items!  A gorgeous quilt, in colors of my choosing, and BEAUTIFUL greyhound items, including a HUGE crocheted replica of my beloved, late greyhound.  I was touched beyond words, and I cried, and cried, and cried as I held that something extra special.  My partner had gone to greyt lengths to make it look just like my beloved boy!  Even adding a real pet tag w/his name on the front, and RIP on the back.  I told my partner it was like having a part of him w/me.  I miss him very much, even 6yrs later, and holding that crocheted, stuffed version of him helps heal some of the hurt of losing him.  So, yes, partners have feelings that should be considered w/great care.  Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.  I consider my feelings precious, precious gifts/treasures and my partner's feelings are just as precious to me. 
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« Reply #7 on: June 30, 2013 06:55:09 AM »

I've been swapping on Craftster for about 7 years.  When I started I'm sure I sent things that were not entirely lovely (I still may, I'm not fabulous still!); but due to the kind remarks and helpful comments on swap items - sent privately - I was able to improve my crafts and not have hurt feelings.  Sometimes people don't think they are hurting your feelings, they believe they are being helpful, but it may not be taken that way. Smiley

I think that as long as the swapper/crafter is honestly trying and trying to improve their crafting, there's no reason to call them out/make them feel bad on purpose.  I have said things like 'This was x's first attempt at making jewelry and it's beautiful'.  The item was just fine, it was their first attempt and I encouraged them.  Nothing wrong there.

No one has to completely agree, we're all different...but we all should think of others feelings and how our words may be taken as they are in print instead of voice.
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« Reply #8 on: June 30, 2013 09:34:08 AM »

I'm just saying, twining a single ribbon around something bought doesn't make it a crafted item it shows laziness that had a bow put on it.


There could be various reasons for sending a purchased gift, other than laziness.  Maybe the sender wanted to give their partner a wished for item but couldn't craft it with quality.  The store-bought item was the solution.  The purchase could have been made with consideration and likely still costs money.  I'd be thrilled if my partner saw something in a store and included it in the package because they thoughts I'd like it.  Bonus if they nailed it.

If you can't find any appreciation in receiving something that was bought, well, don't be surprised that others may also not show appreciation either.  Perhaps for different reasons... and perhaps even about packages that were sent by you.


It's one thing if the store bought item is an extra, but if it's intended to be the main item in a package, that's a no-no. Craftster promotes craft swaps. Unless the swap is specifically for craft supplies, the majority of items within the package should be crafted!

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« Reply #9 on: June 30, 2013 09:57:48 AM »

If I send purchased items, they are intended to be extras, not main items.  I like to send fabric, supplies, and books.  They are, in my mind's eye, extras.  All of my "main items" are crafted, by me.  And, I won't try something new, and send it, because I want my swap partner to be happy w/what they receive from me.  And, I want what they receive from me, to be well crafted.  Well crafted, to me at least,=something I know how to do well.  And, if I don't like how it turned out, I won't send it.  If I'm not happy w/it, how could my partner be happy w/it? 
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