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Topic: Partners not listening to what you want  (Read 4226 times)
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ivoryh1632
« on: July 16, 2011 03:47:44 AM »

I recently finished a swap and even though my partner made more than the required points and put effort into what she made, she didn't listen to one thing I said. It really bothers me because we had really good communication, we sent messages on here a couple times a week, talked on facebook and went over the details of what we each wanted numerous times.

I spent a lot of time making sure everything would be exactly how my partner wanted and worrying if she'd like it and then I get my package just to see that she ignored every single "please do not do this, I really don't like it" that I told her.

On one hand I feel bad about saying anything because she's a really nice person and obviously worked hard and went above and beyond the requirements, but on the other hand I feel like she just ignored everything I said and just did what she wanted leaving me stuck with something I'm never going to use while she has something she loves and is going to use all the time. I'm happy with my work and glad she loved what I made and I hate to say it but I feel really upset about this. I know my feelings are a bit strong becasue I was so looking forward to this swap especially when the communication was so great and she kept telling me things like "I know you're going to love this, I was totally inspired by your wist" But its all kinda got me down on swapping right now.

Has this happened to anyone else? And if so what did you do about it?
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« Reply #1 on: July 16, 2011 07:23:41 AM »

The same thing happened to me during a swap in which I was crafting for her pets and she was crafting for my children.  I had been counting on the items from her as holiday gifts for them.  When I got the package I was sad, and felt guilty for feeling that way.  I think part of it too is that when you have such communication with your partner, and then they send you a package like that, it almost feels like a friend let you down.  I let the organizer of the swap know how I felt, but of course the person still received a positive b/c she had met and actually went over the swap requirements.  I guess the only solution is to make sure that you don't get matched with that person in a swap again.
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tiffi_333
« Reply #2 on: July 16, 2011 12:25:03 PM »

Thats really unfortunate you guys had that happen. I have gotten things that aren't exactly my taste, but never something that I clearly said I don't like or want. I'm always a little worried when I swap though because I've heard horror stories about other peoples experiences. I can understand how it could be hard to change your crafting style to suite another person, so Im sure it will always happen once in a while.
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tiffi_333
« Reply #3 on: July 17, 2011 03:45:00 PM »

I hope you have better experiences with swapping in the future....I know alot of people get put off when a partner does that, or just doesn't send. I find it really unfortunate that the thoughtful swappers are the ones who get putt off of it.
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« Reply #4 on: July 18, 2011 08:27:04 AM »

I'm sorry you were disappointed, but it's great that you recognize she tried her best.  Be sure to thank her, and then chalk it up to the luck of the draw.

There are so many positive things about swapping: meeting a new friend, stretching yourself creatively, maybe trying a new craft... I definitely feel that the good outweighs the bad, even if you are slightly disappointed with a package.

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« Reply #5 on: July 18, 2011 09:36:52 PM »

I kind of had the same issue, but I guess it was more me and my partner's crafting levels were not at the same level.  For example, in 2 swaps I was very experienced in the medium and my partners were very green beginners.
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« Reply #6 on: July 19, 2011 10:03:04 AM »

On of my best swap packages (I have tons of favourites...) ever came from a very green newbie. Sure, the items weren't flawless, but the love and dedication going into that package really showed and I still use those items a lot. So I wouldn't want to be paired with my skill level only.

When I organise I try not to partner swappers that seem to have very high expectations with nervous newbies. I think high expectations cause problems more often that difference in skill levels. It's very helpful to know if a swapper is laid back and happy with almost anything or picky about what they receive, makes it easier to pair people up so that everyone is happy.
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« Reply #7 on: July 19, 2011 10:53:08 AM »

Just a reminder: please don't write so many details on this thread that others can figure out exactly to whom you are referring. Imagine how you would feel if one of your partners posted here with complaints and you figured out they were talking about you!

When you swap with someone, it's similar to exchanging gifts. Someone is sending to you what they think you will like. They may not always exactly hit the mark, but if you have needs that are very specific, perhaps it's better to purchase handmade items on Etsy, where you know in advance exactly what you will receive.
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« Reply #8 on: July 19, 2011 11:35:43 AM »

One thing to keep in mind too, is if the partner is using stash supplies. I've gotten things where the colors weren't listed as a 'like' on the questionnaire but she was using up her stash and that was the closest she had to work with.
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« Reply #9 on: July 19, 2011 11:53:21 AM »

Swaps are meant to be a fun exchange of ideas and things you both enjoy making. It's a fun chance to work on a project based on mutual interest with someone who also shares your joy of making. It makes me sad when people get caught up comparing, or worrying too much about what they receive. It shouldn't be the same as shopping, where you pick something specific and have an expectation about how it should be. I feel like that "joy of swapping" fun atitude has gotten a bit lost sometimes, and it becomes more like a "custom order" than a fun swap. Maybe I have just been around too long. Anyway, I wish you much happiness in your future swaps, and please don't say anything here that will make your partner feel bad. After all, she may just be being polite to you by saying she loves your project, eh?
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