on being very mismatched with a partner

[Pearliepie]

I like being "mismatched"! But, I join swap as a personal challenge. I like to try new things and having a partner makes me work really hard to learn the new skill well and quickly. For my last swap I made a zombie quilt. That's something I NEVER would have dreamed up for myself, but it ended up being one of the coolest things I've ever made, and my partner loved it. I was proud of it because I went way outside my comfort zone to create the finished product.

Perhaps it would help you to think of your "mismatched" swap as a personal challenge. A way for you to grow as an artist in a different direction, a way to step outside your comfort zone? From personal experience, I can tell you it feels awesome when you succeed!

[amybarnett]

I don't want to sound smug but this isn't really a matter of lacking confidence in myself but lacking confidence in my assigned partner. I would feel completely guilty if I didn't honestly appreciate what she made for me. In the back of my mind I feel like I will end up saying "Thank you ma'am, but I REALLY don't need a burnt orange acrylic yarn doily." and throwing it in the back of the closet until I can come up with the courage to throw it out.

 (of course I wouldn't SAY that to her.....I would say a nick "thanks!" and move on)

I only have 800 sq ft of living space and every inch of it is put to good use....I just don't keep things that I don't use/like/want. I think this is just a matter of guilt because I know she will be wasting her time on me...

[Pearliepie]

Ahhh! I totally understand that problem. Never mind my advice then I guess the only thing to do is tell your partner what you just told us and then hope for the best. 

[Lo{ve}]

my advice is just don't doubt them until you receive, as people can surprise you. also, if you receive something that you really do not enjoy, try your best to think of someone who would appreciate it and re-gift it to a better home!

[Antidigger]

I know this is resurrecting a dead thread, but I'd like people's opinions on telling an organiser about the mismatch. I'd like to give feedback to the organiser, but I want to do it in a tactful and understanding manner. I know (not by personal experience) that it is very hard indeed to organise a swap, but in all seriousness, I've been advised to flake: NOT something I will do, but it has made me think that I really ought to say something. After all, maybe nothing could have been done about the partnering, but if it could, perhaps it may reduce future flakers.

I am regarding it as a challenge, I have learned the first new skill required for the swap, but the second is coming so slowly that I won't be able to use it. This means another email to my partner, letting them know I can't do what is wanted. I can make substitutions, but the point is I won't be able to please my partner. The worst of it is I'm sure my partner is going through all the same anxieties, I've tried to be as open and as generous as I can, rejigging my requests for their talents and saying I'll be happy with whatever they send, but I get unhappy vibes coming back at me (not unhappy with me, but the situation).

On second thoughts I think I'll delay sending this until the swap is finished, both me and my partner are trying really hard, I don't want to make it any harder on them.

Update: At the end of my swap, I still feel really bad about it and disinclined to do another for a while. Should I say anything? If so, how can I make it helpful feedback, not just whining?

[ivoryh1632]

Antidigger- I've only organized one swap so far and becasue I've been mismatched before I spent forever trying to make sure that everyone got a good partner. I even when and looked up pics of the kind of stuff everyone made so I could match skill levels and styles.

Personally I wouldn't be offended if I was organizing a swap and someone let me know about the mismatch. I'd actually prefer it so that I could put that in the person's feedback. Now that being said, I also think its very important to communicate with your partner during the swap about this kind of stuff, especially at the beginging. If you did that and they never wrote you back or ignored what you said then that should definately be brought to the organizer's attention for feedback purposes since communication's a huge part of the swap process.

But I think that sometimes stuff like that just happens, I know exactly how you feel though, I had a couple bad experiences last year and just got put off of doing swaps for a while becasue of it.

I would bring it up to the organizer though, just becuase some people do that thing where they're gonna make what they want regardless of what their partner has to say and I do think that should be taken into account for future swaps. But just be honest when you tell your organizer "hey, I don't mean to sound whiney and complain about everything but this really bothered me and I think its importand you know....."

[ThreadOrYarn]

Personally I wouldn't be offended if I was organizing a swap and someone let me know about the mismatch. I'd actually prefer it so that I could put that in the person's feedback.

Just curious, but what comment would you put in the feedback because of the mismatch?

[ivoryh1632]

Hmmm don't know unless I was in the situation, ya know, but probably something about their partner being extremely disatisfied due to a lack of communication. If nothing else, I think other swappers should know if the person doesn't communicate during a swap.

[ThreadOrYarn]

probably something about their partner being extremely disatisfied due to a lack of communication. If nothing else, I think other swappers should know if the person doesn't communicate during a swap.

yeah I can understand a 'didn't communicate' comment when that happens, no matter how matched or mismatched the partners are. I guess I misunderstood this part of the earlier post --

someone let me know about the mismatch. I'd actually prefer it so that I could put that in the person's feedback.

I thought that meant that a feedback comment would be left because the partners were mismatched, and I couldn't figure out what/why a partner mismatch would need a feedback comment.

[ivoryh1632]

Sorry, sometimes I get on here late at night and my fingers don't always say what my brain was thinking