One of my favorite Philly-area singer-songwriter folk artists is named Deirdre Flint. Since I am lyrically deaf, I can only "hear" lyrics that are in-your-face, or funny, or very repetitive. When the challenge was announced, I mulled around with various songs, and settled on Deirdre Flint's "The Bridesmaid Dress Song".
I'll spare you the entire lyrics (link: http://www.lyrics007.com/Deirdre%20Flint%20Lyrics/The%20Bridesmaid%20Dress%20Song%20Lyrics.html
), but here are some choice selections:
... what they pick for bridesmaids is a heinous fashion crime
She pays 300 dollars for a dress the bride is claiming,
"If you hem it, you can wear it as a cocktail dress."
If you hem it, redesign the sleeves, tear off the bows and rhinestones, tuck in the sash and dye it black, well then, 500 dollars later you will end up with a gown that is quite obviously a bridesmaid dress altered to be worn as a cocktail dress.
...Someday, jumbo butt bows, will be the rage that's what my hunch is
And someday, jade silk long gloves
Will be the power dress for corporate lunches.
...Don't trash that satin, I'm telling you girl,
You'll use that dress again...
She goes onto finish the story of Mary (a ten-time bridesmaid), who was thrown overboard from the dinner cruise, used her dress's bustle as a floatation device; the crinoline protected her from the sharks; and the parasol caught fresh drinking water. She turns the underwire boning into a bow and arrow to catch dinner on the island she washes up on. She sells fake pearls to the natives, uses the butt bow as a rescue flag, and fashions the skirt into sails to sail home.
...I'm using this dress again.
Just dress me in one hundred butt bows! And all the matching pastel gear
Sure! I'd love a hoop skirt! I want to buy another oddly shaped brassiere.
It needs more rhinestones I think, a nice tiara might help,
What this dress needs is a train!"
...Don't trash that satin, you never can tell, girls,
You'll use that dress again.
So I used that dress again. I found one at a thrift store that was not your typical satin nightmare, but definitely was in the running for "special". Thanks to Dr. G. for her brilliant brainstorm. I present to you, The Bridesmaid's Parasol
In the beginning, there was a dress and an umbrella. Who knew DH was a perfect size 10?
Channelling Mary Poppins:
Then, there was Deconstruction:
Then, there was cutting, and gluing, and sewing, and gathering, and measuring:
The skirt, gathered by hand (ow, ow, ow) fit the umbrella perfectly.
We glued along the ribs, and then hoped it would stick!
Gathering the tulle, again by hand, to make the top pouf:
The shoulder bows provided inspiration for the bows I affixed to each point. I used every last scrap of the bodice fabric to make those stinking bows.
I added some beads, some more tulle, and finally, finally, finally, There Was Completion:
Tut, tut! It feels like snow!
See the pouf?
And a close-up of the Bows of My Affliction:
This was a challenge I was so excited about, not even a move could stop me! The before pictures are taken on the porch of our old house; the after pictures are taken on the front lawn of our new home, after last night's snowfall. Nothing (!) important to this project was lost in the move. I even managed to unpack enough sewing and crafting supplies to finish the devil today.
So take a page from lil_abi, she's doing well.
Though DH may look foolish, he may look like hell.
You'll use that dress again!