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Topic: I really dont know what to do :(  (Read 1360 times)
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craftyazgirl
« on: September 21, 2008 09:35:04 PM »

ok so my best friend since we were 5 years old was having a baby! i was so so super excited i was making this star blanket for her.  When she was 6 months prego they lost the baby.  She is devestated and was in perfect health and took all precautions.  I know she and her husband are devastated and i am totally heartbroken also. I live 700 miles away and i just dont know what to do.  do i finish the blanket?   save it? i really really dont know what to do Sad
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cinnamon teal
« Reply #1 on: September 21, 2008 09:45:31 PM »

I'm so sorry.

I think it would be nice for you to finish the blanket and donate it.  Hospitals often accept blankets for newborns and premies.  Also, a shelter for domestic violence victims would be happy to pass it along to a mom and her baby.
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« Reply #2 on: September 21, 2008 09:45:51 PM »

I would finish it and send it. When is a better time to have a blanket to snuggle with?
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julianapegas
« Reply #3 on: September 21, 2008 09:50:31 PM »

That's such a sad thing to hear! My sympathies for them...

Do you know if they're going to try again?  There are many couples that lose a baby once but end up being successful in another try (and I hope it will be their case).

I think you should save the blanket for a while, hopefully you'll have the opportunity to give it to them in the future!

If they don't, you can reuse the yarn or finish it up for donation.

edit: forgot to mention, it's beautiful! I love star shapes! ^^
« Last Edit: September 21, 2008 09:52:19 PM by julianapegas » THIS ROCKS   Logged

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« Reply #4 on: September 21, 2008 10:34:21 PM »

my mom lost my baby sister when i was 6... even though i was fairly young, i still remember it being tough for the family and really tough for her and my dad... i'm so sorry.

i wouldn't send it now, unless she says she'd like it. it may be too hard for them to see baby things for the baby they don't have anymore.

i'd keep it for a little while - if they have another baby, i would finish it with a complimentary color - a different shade of purple, or something. then include a note that says you started it for the first baby, but are finishing it in a new color for the second.

my thinking is, if they're anything like my parents, they're not going to want to forget their first child. my mom wrote letters to my sister every year for a while, just as her way of coping. the blanket with two colors might be a nice way to remember/honor/celebrate both kids.
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« Reply #5 on: September 21, 2008 10:43:40 PM »

ooh I like the two color idea! That is perfect!
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Linda P
« Reply #6 on: September 21, 2008 11:18:14 PM »

I would finish it.  Do it big enough for her to snuggle in.  You are not going to cause any more heartache with it.  People do not want to talk about a loss like this, they just want to pretend it never happened.  This will give her something to help heal.
JMHO,
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« Reply #7 on: September 21, 2008 11:24:47 PM »

You'd be surprised how many women conceive within a month of having a miscarriage.  It happened to my sister-in-law, and her doctor explained that it happens fairly often because the body is already prepared with pregnancy hormones. 

I would continue the blanket, and hopefully it will be for a new baby, but if not it would be a wonderful gift just for her.  I wouldn't mention that it was intended for the baby though.
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« Reply #8 on: September 22, 2008 12:24:19 AM »

oh hugs for your friend, I can't imagine how hard that must be.

Finish it and ask her what she wants to do. I would go through some of the fabulous options the other ladies have mentioned, that way she knows you thought of the child to be and can decide what she can handle at this point.
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« Reply #9 on: September 22, 2008 04:27:03 AM »

I had a similar situation happen to me. The recipient knew what I was making her and I knew that I just could not give it to her when she finally did have a baby (which ended up being a year later)  I finished the blanket and donated it.
A premie ward would probably love it.  They collect blankets and give them to the parents.
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« Reply #10 on: September 22, 2008 05:15:47 AM »

Oh, I am so sorry. Miscarriage is such a hard and awful thing. I don't know if this helps, but when I miscarried our first child (it was much earlier and I honestly can't even imagine going through what they are) I remember wanting to give the baby some memories. I know this is a very individualized thing, but I would finish it and give it to her in memorial of the baby. I think it shows love and care. It sounds like you guys are close, so it definitely depends on how she grieves. I hope you find a solution.
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« Reply #11 on: September 22, 2008 06:19:10 AM »

It's hard to imagine anything more painful, especially someone so far along.  It's like you spend all that time wondering, and planning and hoping for the baby.  And then in the end you don't even have any real outlet for your grief like a funeral or anything.  I don't think there's a good answer for how to deal with it, you just have to find a way somehow.

My instinct tells me that having a good friend is always nice in these situations, it never hurts to show you care about her.
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kewlmomma
« Reply #12 on: September 22, 2008 06:20:26 AM »

I know this is a hard subject. I had this experience myself. When my husband and I got control of the shock ( you never totally get over it ), we wanted to try again. Now we have 4 kids. Anyhow, If it were me I would finish it and put it away. They most likely will try again someday and then it would be the perfect gift. Meanwhile just let them know you are there if needed. Good luck Sad
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MollyMillions
« Reply #13 on: September 22, 2008 06:56:15 AM »

I'd finish it, but maybe find a new home for it (or save it for the right moment). Giving it to her now really depends on how shedeals with loss - it could be comforting, or it could just reminder of what she's already lost. Everyone grieves differently, and you'd probably have a better idea of that than anyone.

 But it would be a nice gift for someone else, I'd hate to see all that hard work unravel.
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JosieO
« Reply #14 on: September 22, 2008 07:07:09 AM »

Hi, I'm new to this forum and this is one of the first threads I've read so far.  Speaking from my own experience of losing my first pregnancy, I think you should finish the blanket (maybe even make it a pillow or mini-blanket) and give it to your friend.  I would love for a way to remember my first baby even though it didn't survive.  It would be a good way to tell my other kids about the situation when they got older, call it their "angel blanket" or something.  Especially since it is in the shape of a star.  I wish more of my family and friends had aknowledged our loss with more than just an email. 
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« Reply #15 on: September 22, 2008 10:51:59 AM »

from a personal viewpoint since i miscarried a few months ago, i'd say finish it, and wait until she has another baby. for now just let her know you're there for her and send her a card saying how sorry you are. if it were me i wouldn't want any more reminders of what could have been. if she receives it now, she may feel uncomfortable using it on her next child since it was meant for the one that was lost.
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Wildfyre
« Reply #16 on: September 23, 2008 08:52:02 AM »

I have to go with either finishing it big and sending it to her now as a gift for her... or finishing it, not saying anything about it, and saving it for their next baby. Or, if it will always be a sad reminder for you to look at .. then I love the ideas to donate it to a place that needs it Smiley

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« Reply #17 on: September 24, 2008 11:10:32 AM »

Hey, can I just say what a lovely friend you are for even thinking about what's best, she's lucky to have you Smiley

As another have-had-a-couple-previous-misses person, I'd say ask her (or her partner) what she'd prefer, though I'd also suggest that you don't offer it for a subsequent baby... I'm not generally a superstitious person, but I have never been able to keep anything I'd intended for a lost child and "re-gift" it to a future child of my own.

Depending on how she is/isn't coping with the grief I think that either sending her the blanket now (as a comfort/memorial) or donating it to needy/premie babies are probably the better options.
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craftyazgirl
« Reply #18 on: October 01, 2008 01:33:47 PM »

thank you for all your good thoughts and suggestions! Smiley i really appreciate it i havent been able to work on it yet but i think ill finish it soon and donate it.  not too sure yet but thanks you all!
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