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Topic: HELP HELP! My wedding dress SUCKS!  (Read 3639 times)
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graced
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« Reply #10 on: July 10, 2008 06:13:18 PM »

Fair warning...this here's a rant.

I'm at that grouchy age past all the nonsense, have a bonus son planning a wedding through two moms and two stepmoms (though I hardly count, as it's not my party and I insist I will be delighted, whatever they choose!), and from this vantage point have come to the conclusion that weddings make people crazy. Yours is just the latest verse in the song. I don't like the bridezilla trend, but I'm not crazy about already-married people trying to horn in on somebody else's most-important-ceremony-I'll-ever-be-in day. Either the elder grown-ups involved got their own choice on their wedding day, had the opportunity to stand up and get their own choices on their wedding day, or didn't. Whatever. None of that weighs in. You're not trying to get married in a G-string and pasties. (And if you were, as long as you gave fair warning for the squeamish not to attend or wear blindfolds, so what?!) What are they complaining about!???


Tidbit for your freaked-out family that's insisting on white:  Queen Victoria wore white to her wedding to Prince Albert, and it caught on. Hmmm, that would be around, um, 1840. (Okay, I cheated to find that date. Look.)  In the centuries  before that, people wore what they had, or maybe had a new "Sunday" dress made up, but in colors that flattered the bride's skin and a style that flattered her figure and personality. (Go figure.) The "tradition" has come and gone, depending. It's not biblical, religious, or holy. It doesn't indicate virginity or the seriousness of the vow-taking. It's a long-running, in-and-out fashion trend, like platform heels.

Sounds to me like you followed the OLD tradition before the new tradition set by QV--you chose a style and a color that make you feel and look beautiful and indicates something about your personality.  It's a lovely dress--the purple one, I mean. The other one looks like something I would have tried to make...lovely gesture,  dubious outcome. Okay and tolerable for Halloween party, not so great for Wedding where you're center stage, tugging and shrugging, feeling like you're wearing ants.

That said, I'm not a good enough seamstress to make any kind of recommendation about fixing that dress--get thee to a highly proficient and well-recommended professional, I say, and try on the purple one as "WANT" and then the white one as "NOT," and ask if it can be transformed. Listen carefully, first to pro, then to self. Act accordingly.

To paraphrase my favorite advice columnist, setting boundaries to protect yourself and keep your toes intact from the boots of others is a habit you need to get into BEFORE you get married. (A wedding is good practice for all the "helpful advice" you'll get when/if you have a baby. This dress thing is ony round one, I promise!)

For you, the time for the distinction between your toes and their boots would seem to be NOW, right this minute.

It would be sweet--IF the dress didn't look kind of wonky--if you could wear the white one for the wedding and promptly change into the purple one for the reception. But face it--the dress DOES look wonky. If a pro says it can be fixed but if your very own eyeballs tell you it still looks wonky after a seamstress/tailor tries to fix it for you, I vote you calmly, sweetly, determinedly put on your big-girl panties, wear the dress you love, and allow the naysayers to put on their big-girl panties on or not, as they choose. If you're lucky, it's the only wedding dress you'll ever wear. It should be what YOU wanted, not what you got stuck wearing and worrying about it making you look like a rag doll. If it can be fixed, then hooray, you have TWO dresses to choose between, as you will, taking into consideration your figure, coloring, personality.

If the sight of you walking down the aisle in whatever you choose to wear--whatever color it is--will make your groom go misty, then you've succeeded in satisfying the one and only person you're promising to put first for the rest of your life. Mission accomplished, I say!

Good luck--and let us know what you do!
« Last Edit: July 10, 2008 06:41:35 PM by graced » THIS ROCKS   Logged

Words to craft by: Un homme a cheval va jamais voir ca...  "A man on horseback will never notice that."
Kaitlinnegan
« Reply #11 on: July 10, 2008 06:25:06 PM »

The white dress can probably be fixed - I'm afraid one would only be able to tell for sure in person, and a professional will know what to do, so there's no reason to wait around to get more specific advice.  In fact, please do not wait around any longer unless you are planning on procrastinating getting it fixed until it is too late so you *have* to wear the purple one...in that case, wait as long as you want.   Grin

BTW - as far as I can tell, the hem looks really nice.  I wonder if it is hand rolled?  Anyway, I doubt you are going to do get much better from a professional, but you can always ask when you take the dress in.  I would leave well enough alone, though, especially with the tight time frame.

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding, and good luck!   Wink  Be sure to let us know how it all turns out.
« Last Edit: July 10, 2008 06:29:00 PM by Kaitlinnegan » THIS ROCKS   Logged

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HorrorCraft
« Reply #12 on: July 10, 2008 06:36:40 PM »

I know your Mom and her friend meant well, and alot of work went into the white dress, but I agree you should wear the purple dress.  It flatters you in all the right ways, the color, the cut, the style.  The white dress frankly scares me. 
Hopefully, you can find a seamstress who can work magic to make it work. 
Good Luck and congrats!
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graced
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« Reply #13 on: July 10, 2008 06:50:01 PM »

I know your Mom and her friend meant well, and alot of work went into the white dress, but I agree you should wear the purple dress.  It flatters you in all the right ways, the color, the cut, the style.  The white dress frankly scares me. 

The white dress does need work, and the purple one is gorgeous on you. And those "helpful" women who want you to wear white may have meant well...but you have to wonder. What's the deal--if the bride is happy with the bride's choice of dress on the bride's wedding day...for whom do they mean well?! (Sorry, my head spins from the machinations of various mom-derivations each trying to get her own way on The Big Day my bonus son/SO are planning! Wedding as chess game, if you please.)

Kaitlinnegan is right, though. Delay no longer...if it's important to YOU to appease the white-dress crowd, get yourself a tailor pronto. However, if it's important to you to appease them but to please yourself by "having to" wear the purple dress, wait until everyone who is mad on your behalf writes their rants! That should be weeks! Grin
« Last Edit: July 10, 2008 06:54:03 PM by graced » THIS ROCKS   Logged

Words to craft by: Un homme a cheval va jamais voir ca...  "A man on horseback will never notice that."
kitschbitch
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« Reply #14 on: July 10, 2008 07:37:05 PM »

I agree with you.  The white one is a tragedy.  Seriously, wear whatever you want!  I love non-white wedding dresses!
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j_en
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« Reply #15 on: July 10, 2008 11:14:28 PM »

Hi,

Just adding the weight of one more opinion to those that say the purple dress looks adorable and beautifully finished.  The white dress looks sweet and the good intentions are clear, but the finish doesn't compare with the purple.  The maker could obviously sew very well, but not as professionally as the maker of the purple dress and perhaps without sufficient time to correct the fitting and finish problems now.

Even seeing what you named these photos of the white dress in the picture hosting... I mean "dumpy", that's no way to feel when you walk down the aisle.

Plenty of people (myself included) get married in colours other than white.  It doesn't hurt.  If your mum and her friend had been serious about getting you into a white dress they should have forked out the dosh to have a professional bridalwear seamstress make the white copy of the purple one properly in the first place (or am I being too harsh?)

Good luck.
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Jen
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« Reply #16 on: July 11, 2008 02:01:21 AM »

IT'S YOUR WEDDING!!! wear the dress YOU like, not someone else's idea! if you do that I'm sure you'll regret it.

purple dress is awesome by the way.
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peppersaskatoon
« Reply #17 on: July 11, 2008 02:02:50 AM »

Another vote for purple.  It looks amazing on you, and it's really a pretty shade.
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anwylaeth
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« Reply #18 on: July 11, 2008 03:04:26 AM »

Probably this is not going to be the advice you want to hear, and by all means, please feel free to completely ignore it  Cheesy

Have you considered showing your mom and/or her friend the difference in the fit between the white and the purple dress, and feeling them out?  They might surprise you, agree the white dress isn't as "made for you" as it might have been, and urge you to wear the purple, after all.  They might offer to pay for custom, rush tailoring (not cheap, I believe).  They may, of course, deny the obvious problems with fit, in which case you are still stuck in the same quandary - but whatever the result, you are no worse off, and it might solve your problem.

I know, I know, weddings are "your day" and the popular advice is to do whatever the heck you want and consequences be damned, and if that's what you end up doing, cool.  My only regret from my own wedding, however, is not that I didn't spend more on the caterer, not that the DJ sucked (and oh, how the DJ sucked Grin), not that I stumbled coming up to the altar (and I did), but that I was so focused on doing everything my way that I pushed away family and friends and hurt feelings.  Ten years later, I'm sorry for this.  If I could go back and change anything, that's what I'd change.  I hope that however this works out, you find a solution you won't regret, and you look and feel fabulous!
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skuterrat
« Reply #19 on: July 11, 2008 05:35:54 AM »

Hmm, this is tough.  I originally would have said, "It's your wedding, you're an adult, wear what you want."  However, now that family friend has put effort into making a dress for you, you don't want to hurt her feelings either since it's too late to politely refuse her offer to make you a dress. (Nothing you can do about that now: water under the bridge.  Breathe deeply and move forward! Smiley )

My suggestion would be: quietly take the white dress to a professional seamstress who can alter it to fit better - at least take in the top!  Wear it for the wedding ceremony and a few photos, and then surprise your guests by changing into the smashing purple dress for the reception.  Make sure to get lots of photos of you with your new hubby in the purple dress after changing so you'll be able to get one of those for your wall if it's the dress you really want to remember!  Smiley

Happy wedding planning!  (Mine's in October...)
« Last Edit: July 11, 2008 05:37:16 AM by skuterrat » THIS ROCKS   Logged
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