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Topic: Ridiculously long engagement...  (Read 8530 times)
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Pinkguin
« Reply #30 on: December 14, 2008 10:25:05 AM »

wow, so many engagements! congratulations everyone! it is pretty normal to have engagements that lasts a few years, the longest i've heard of is 5-6 years, but that's probably in the s.e. asian culture (maybe??) and engagement in my culture is a lot more than proposing. there usually is a small formal gathering where there'll be an exchange of rings (and a lot of presents) between families, some religious readings, and the girl usually wears pretty clothes and make up for a small photoshoot.

that aside, i personally feel that engagements lasting a few years (about 3 years) is ideal, for they give the couple some time to prepare. sourcing out for venues (combined for bride and groom or separate, or both!), writing guest lists, choosing colours, outfits, rings..... there's so much to think of. the earlier you start, the better prepared!

i think it's great to get to know wedding planners, photographers and videographers, make-up artists, musicians, mc's. make friends with them as early as you can, so that you'll get to see their progress and they'll know you better and hopefully give you a good discount! (check out university kids)

and it's never too early to start looking through wedding magazines and websites, i love looking at Martha Stewart's website! Looking for the perfect dress early is always fun, then you'll be able to recreate your own either by a trusted tailor or making it yourself!

have fun planning, take it easy! congratulations everyone!
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« Reply #31 on: January 09, 2009 10:17:22 AM »

I'm facing one about that long, too.  We're both still in college (different ones), so we're waiting until after graduation to make it easier on us and to better guarantee that we both get educated Smiley

Right now, we have a location in mind and colors and a theme, but you're right that there's not much to be doing this far in advance.  All I'm doing right now is going through craftster, the knot, and other wedding (and general crafting) websites and resources and starting to compile ideas.  I have word documents dedicated to different things (flowers, linens, cake, etc) that I copy/paste to when I see something I like.  I'll copy the picture and relevant description if any, and a url.  Hopefully the URL will still be there in three years, but who knows.  That's why it's important for me to save ideas on my hard drive rather than just bookmark, just to be sure.  You can even start doing that without having a specific venue, just take note of anything you like or think you can modify to fit with your tastes.

I hope all goes well, and put that crafty mind to work!
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Bladerunner
« Reply #32 on: March 14, 2009 03:21:34 PM »

Anyone else facing a very long engagement?  I cannot get married within the next 32 months (more like 36 in reality), and I'm not sure if there are any things I can really decide before the 12 month mark (the furtherest out most checklists go).

Anyone else dealing with (or dealt with) the same thing?  I'm just feeling a little left out as all the people I know have chosen a 10 month engagement at the extreme longest.

I'm looking at a long engagement as well, probably 2-3 years at least. We'd been talking about getting married for a while, but there's various practical reasons we aren't doing it just yet. But he decided to propose recently anyway. (I think he just wanted to be upgraded from "Boyfriend" to "Fiance" *g*).

So I'm not buying anything yet. I know I'd go crazy if I let myself start buying at all. Instead, I'm having a great time looking around for ideas, changing my mind a couple of dozen times, running ideas past the FH, and finding out what's really important to the both of us for that day and not just what strikes my fancy that particular week.

For instance, we are both pretty set on the wedding being relatively small. We're both interested in it being at his house - great front lawn for ceremony, but the backyard needs work for including it as a reception area. Fortunately, we'll have plenty of time to work on it! We have a friend we'd like to serve as the officiant - we'll have plenty of time to help arrange travel for her to officiate, as she lives out of state and generally has a fairly hectic schedule.

The long engagement also means we'll have some time to save up some money. One idea I saw was to purchase a CD (certificate of deposit, not music). The longer engagement means it will mature in time to help make you some extra money to spend on wedding arrangements.

In my case, it also means I'll have time to do some work on my own house before selling it to move in with the FH. That's kind of awesome too.

And of course, I'll have plenty of time for the DIY portions   Grin
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« Reply #33 on: March 31, 2009 08:55:15 PM »

Don't worry me too let's see dating 7 years now and engaged 2 years with no date in sight...

Our problem is lack of funds and housing... yeah newly weds in parent's house would not be ideal... get brains and masters degrees aren't helping us at all! We only amassed more debt ... well he did.... I have no debt or bills so I guess it's all him but it's not his fault.

In the mean time I'm planning as much crafting as I can to cut the costs, the one thing I can't cut is the $35-75 per person reception halls! ARG! But it gives me a while to plan and make my own dress!
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hammertyme
« Reply #34 on: May 05, 2009 06:59:38 PM »

Congrats to all of you brides to be. 

I can only give you advise as one who had the longest engagement I have heard of.  We were engaged 5/1/1997 and got married 4/1/2005 yes almost eight years!

I got my dress very early about 2 years after we were engaged.  After awhile I was upset as new styles came out.  I even bought a second dress.  But I did wear the original style.   I would not recommend this.  I second guessed myself many times in the following 6 years.

I would as the others suggest is get ideas together.  Your guest list is the most important, even though it may change over the time.

I got a 3 ring binder, decorated it and stored all of the materials in there.    I went through so many ideas on themes, where the wedding would be, the wedding party and other things.  We actually settled on a cowboy and Indian / formal theme. 

We had wedding blessings in Apache and Cherokee,  horseshoes for the ring bearer, the unity candle, some of the pew decorations, some pew bows and dream catchers.
The girls in formal dresses, the boys in black jeans and western shirts.

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riverwatson
« Reply #35 on: July 07, 2009 06:44:24 AM »

I am waiting for the fall of my senior year of college to get hitched- that's October 2010. We're trying for 10-10-10, but it might end up 10-09-10 or 10-02-10, because those are Saturdays. That's about a 15-month engagement and I could not be happier with the time frame. There is so much to plan and to decide (and so much money to scrimp and save) that I told my fiance that I wanted to be engaged at least 1 year. I think he did very well proposing to me on our third anniversary (July 2). I ma very glad he proposed when he did! But it still feels like a loooong time to wait! So the first thing we did was pick our location. Now that we have that out of the way, we have an idea of what our colors should be as well as an overall theme and feel. So while I'm putting off more perishable planning points like cake and food and centerpieces, I'm keeping in mind save-the-dates, invitations, and losing some of this weight I've put on during college. I think the ramen-noodle intensive diet I might be subjected to whilst being broke saving up for the perfect dress might assist in that goal!!! In short- a long engagement is exciting! Sit back, enjoy the company of your fiance, and worry about the details later- in the meantime, be on the lookout for the perfect place!
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« Reply #36 on: July 09, 2009 08:03:37 AM »

Wow! There is some really good advice from everyone out there!

I too will be faced with a really long engagement.  We just got engaged about a week and a half ago and don't plan on getting hitched until Sept. 2011.  I have a year left of school and don't want to start a career and have all those last minute wedding plans three months after I graduate.  We're also waiting so that we can be financially on our own feet after college and before married life.

Unfortunately..... most of my family doesn't understand this reasoning and would rather have us get married next year.  It doesn't help trying to explain the college reason to relatives when my older sister got married in the fall when she was still in school- she got married over the weekend and had to go back to class that Monday!!! No Thanks!!!

Has anyone experienced similar problems? Or have any advice for me as how to deal with this situation?
-Thanks!
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« Reply #37 on: July 09, 2009 08:17:43 AM »

Has anyone experienced similar problems? Or have any advice for me as how to deal with this situation?

Interestingly enough we had originally planned our wedding, like yours to be well after we were done school to avoid overlapping stress, but due to some external circumstances that put pressure on getting married (my Dad had terminal cancer at the time), and some changes in my school path that made it an extra year until I would graduate, and that fact that we simply we not enjoying the wedding planning process (it caused a lot of family difficulties), we ended up moving our wedding up and got married over Christmas break while we were both in school.

Yes it was crazy, but I wouldn't trade being married for the world.

So that doesn't really answer your question does it, and the funny thing was that everyone we knew thought we were crazy for getting married earlier as opposed to later.

Good luck with whatever route you go.
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megmoira
« Reply #38 on: July 20, 2009 09:28:23 AM »

Don't feel too bad about the length of time, I've been engaged since January of 2001! Life has knocked us silly for a bit.
Use the time to agree on what you both want at your wedding and plan it out to relieve any big event stress.
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« Reply #39 on: July 20, 2009 04:04:29 PM »

I'm getting married in summer of 2011 also - btw, congratulations! Anyway, no, I haven't started crafting anything yet. I do have a huge microsoft word file on my laptop with pages of ideas though - that was I can finalize things on paper and have all my thoughts written down before we start getting serious about making final choices.
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