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Topic: Overcritical or Oversensitive?  (Read 1590 times)
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Sew be it!
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Perfection is sooo overrated...

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« on: December 15, 2007 09:35:05 PM »

I just successfully created my first pair of slacks and skirt. I tried on the pants and asked SO for his opinion (mistake). At first he said that everything looked great, then he said "Well, the hem is not even, going straight across." Embarrassed He only said that because I earlier this morning I let him closely examine the pants and he looked at the hem at eyeball level, otherwise you couldn't even see the difference standing face to face and not face to hem. Roll Eyes Anyway, I usually wear my pants really long, draping over my shoes but not enough to touch the floor, esp. with high heel boots. That's how I like them, don't ask. Lips sealed Then he proceeds to tell me that it will probably take years to get it 'just right', so I shouldn't 'expect it to be perfect or wearable'. Now I've jacked up the hem trying to 'perfect them' to his standards... Angry (which I will never do again).

Do you think he was being overcritical or I'm being oversensitive? I think it takes some people a long time to pick up things, some people weeks, some people days. I've been reading these boards for days and enjoying all the positive feedback no matter how the clothing looked. I guess I was expecting the same from him. Not. I'm a big gurl, so anything that fits good makes me feel good. I was soooo proud of myself and now I feel deflated like a flat tire. Guess I'll have to turn them into gauchos or something. Note to self: seek feedback from Craftster members 1st...or only *hehehehehe* I'll post pics as soon as I find the camera.
« Last Edit: December 15, 2007 09:37:13 PM by Craftee1 » THIS ROCKS   Logged

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« Reply #1 on: December 16, 2007 12:59:12 PM »

My guy's the same way... blurts out whatever without a thought of the effect. Never mind the inseam is perfect, the stripes match up at every seam, the zipper is to die for, the pockets are a dream,... although his intentions are the best and he thinks I can do anything, he can still make it sound with a word or two as though my item is somehow substandard. Doesn't even mean to. And the same man treats me as though I'm some kind of genius wunderkind. I don't get it.... So, the moral of this story is, don't take your man's critique seriously, and really don't make changes based on that. He doesn't sew, and doesn't know what's involved. Ask someone who does. (He doesn't ask you if he could have thrown that softball pitch better, or if he reached a high score on his favorite video game in a reasonable amount of time, or whatever his hobby is.) Ask your best friend, your mom or your sister; if they don't sew, they will at least be honest with you about 'wearability'. Smiley

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« Reply #2 on: December 17, 2007 09:08:59 AM »

You know what? You are soooo right. I never looked at it like that. I have a friend who sews, she's actually the one that started me with the basics. It was late at night and I was so excited about what I had just done that b/c he was the only one around, I showed him. BIG mistake. I will definitely do like you said and wait to consult with my friend. Thanks for replying and making me feel better. Even though I was just venting, I'm glad I'm not the only one who's ever felt this way.  Wink

« Reply #3 on: January 02, 2008 04:23:29 PM »

yeah mine's the same- my last skirt was 'uneven' and 'wonky'  Wink

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« Reply #4 on: January 02, 2008 04:31:37 PM »

Unless your SO is Tim Gunn or Marc Jacobs, I wouldn't let his critique bother you.  Things might start out a little rough but it won't take years to get it just right.  Be proud that you made your first of many pieces of clothing, not everyone can learn how to sew.
« Reply #5 on: January 06, 2008 09:55:03 AM »

He probably thought you were really asking him, like you would for something you were making for him. Next time if you really want to discuss it with him tell him you are excited to wear it out so he knows where he stands.

Mimsy Borogrove
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« Reply #6 on: January 09, 2008 01:16:51 PM »

Guys! If they didn't have such cute backsides, we'd have to kill them.

He's approaching it in typical guy mode: problem identifying and solving rather than the typical female thing, supporting and nurturing. He doesn't mean anything by it and probably doesn't even realize he's being critical.

Another great thing about guys is that they don't care if our hems are wonky or our plaids don't match. If you hadn't asked, he'd never have noticed. Lesson learned, right?

When you need a bravo and congratulations, you just come here, okay? Or if you really want to know if the hem's too crooked.

Mim, who just knows it all looks fine (feminine instinct)

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« Reply #7 on: January 10, 2008 06:21:46 PM »

He's approaching it in typical guy mode: problem identifying and solving rather than the typical female thing, supporting and nurturing. He doesn't mean anything by it and probably doesn't even realize he's being critical.

I think you have just succinctly summed up 95% of the reasons my husband and I argue.   Roll Eyes   Grin

But yeah -- I've totally been there.  Many many times.  It's to the point where I ask my husband what he thinks, and then he asks me what I want him to say.   Tongue  I try to give him a little cue like.."Say something nice if you like it," but he still doesn't really get it.  Anyway, I agree, if you want compliments (sincere ones!), post a picture here on Craftster.   Grin  And, even without seeing them, congrats on the pants and skirt!  Pants especially aren't easy to sew!  Keep it up!

My sewing message board: Sew What's Up
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