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Topic: Baby items: an insensitive gift?  (Read 1298 times)
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BoxOfRocks
« on: July 28, 2007 10:57:32 PM »

The DJ who worked my wedding is trying to adopt a baby with his wife after a number of years of infertility and related medical procedures.  They are trying to arrange an international adoption and it is not going well. Bureaucracy has extended the timing of the adoption--it's been three years since they applied. 

Although the DJ and I didn't know each other before I contracted his services, my parents are from the country from which he is trying to adopt (making me a "[hyphenate]-American").  I think he may have felt some sort of kinship with me and confided in me and my fiance a couple of times about their adoption difficulties.  (FTR, IMHO the ethnic connection is a little flimsy to justify sharing such personal stuff, but I didn't want to turn away someone who was obviously upset.) 

He didn't share anything inappropriate about their relationship, just told me about how trying the adoption and infertility had been was and wanted to vent briefly with someone who was less close to the process.  Other than that, DH and I haven't discussed anything except wedding related stuff with him.

Would it be insensitive to give him a crochet baby blanket, hat, or outfit as sort of a "good luck, I hope it works out, we're rooting for you" type of gift along with our thank you note?  I realize it's a little bit above and beyond, say, the gift box of chocolates that we may give to our other vendors.  I'm unsure if this would be a nice gesture or a jerky one.  Thanks!
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« Reply #1 on: July 29, 2007 05:58:39 AM »

It's really lovely that you took the time to listen to him, but it seems fairly clear you don't wish to develop an actual friendship. I would give him the chocolates and keep it non-personal. A personal, handmade gift could seem like an invitation to friendship, if that makes sense to you. Just my thoughts.
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« Reply #2 on: July 29, 2007 07:51:06 PM »

I think a baby blanket would actually be a great idea. It's something a little more thoughtful. If it were me, I'd take it as a you actually appreciated me and my services because the gift really came from your heart. I'm sure it would be appreciated. I think a blanket is the best idea or maybe some sort of toy, simply because you don't know how big the baby would be or if it would be a boy or girl, etc. I think a blanket is a wonderful idea.
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« Reply #3 on: July 30, 2007 03:54:57 AM »

Yeah, a simple blanket (say, a square of fleece with a nice stitch edging it?) and something more impersonal as a thank you gift.

This way, you can say something to the effect of "You're services were great, and I remembered something that's important to you" without going too overboard.
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« Reply #4 on: July 30, 2007 08:10:12 AM »

This subject is very close to my heart and I would say to you please, please please do not give this person any baby related items as gifts.   Smiley

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« Reply #5 on: July 30, 2007 09:08:58 AM »

I would definitely keep it professional.  He may regret expressing his personal troubles to you and reminding him could cause further embarrassment.  Haven't we all said "too much" to someone we would otherwise never say such things to?  Best to err on the polite and professional side that way there's no regrets or hurts later.
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« Reply #6 on: July 30, 2007 09:40:25 AM »

I know we crafters like to share, but you also need to take into consideration that this adoption may never happen.  I think I would stick to the chocolates.  IMHO
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« Reply #7 on: July 30, 2007 12:22:02 PM »

This subject is very close to my heart and I would say to you please, please please do not give this person any baby related items as gifts.   Smiley



Well, this subject isn't necessarily close to my heart, but I totally agree with you.  I just think to myself, what if the adoption or conception never happens and they have a precious baby blanket to stare at with no precious baby to use it for?  I'd think it would make them heartsick, ya know?  That being said, I don't think you're being insensitive.  Maybe just jumping the gun a little.
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« Reply #8 on: July 30, 2007 02:00:15 PM »

If they were close to the actual adoption, like had a travel date or a dossier on their baby, I would say give the blanket.  But since it has been delayed, I have to side with those that say no.  I am approaching a similar situation myself, and have a pretty strict no-baby-stuff-until-there's-a-baby rule.
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« Reply #9 on: July 30, 2007 04:40:05 PM »

I'm going to go with many other people here and say no baby blanket.  It's a nice thought on your part, but, like everyone said, if the adoption doesn't happen, it will just be a sad reminder.
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