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Topic: What to make for My Bf's Mom who hates me?  (Read 8613 times)
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Dollface_Anti-Beauty
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« on: April 17, 2007 09:49:03 AM »

I need idea's what is cheap but nice that I could whip up for my mans mom. SHe dislikes me but it might be because he moved in with me which is a whole nother story
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« Reply #1 on: April 17, 2007 09:41:40 PM »

my exboyfriends mom didn't like me much either so for every holiday I gave her a new picture in a decent frame that I made of the two of us to reinforce the fact that "haha I won."
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« Reply #2 on: April 18, 2007 07:52:53 PM »

Make her a card saying what a great mom she's been to have raised such a wonderful,great ,kind,helpful,ect, son. How can she not like it-it's praising her baby boy! What's she going to say-I wasn't such a great mom?He's not that special? She can't argue with it at all,hee hee. Good luck!
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« Reply #3 on: April 22, 2007 10:34:48 AM »

Well, honestly, I wouldn't give her anything. She isn't your mom and she hates you.
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« Reply #4 on: April 22, 2007 09:26:18 PM »

Well, you didn't give much to start with, but a homemade card, flowers, pictures, go out to dinner with her and bf, pillow, music, spa gift card...Whatever you feel is appropriate. Hope this helps! Smiley
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« Reply #5 on: April 22, 2007 10:17:43 PM »

do you want her to like you?
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« Reply #6 on: April 23, 2007 06:58:00 AM »

This is a bit of a Craftster pet peeve of mine... People who ask questions and then never seem to check back for the answers.... Huh

Flowers and a lovely handwritten note.... that's what I'd give her...

oh sorry, I dont always have acess to a computer.
Well I dont know much about her but nothing is too good from what I have her.
This woman is crazy.
My boyfriend moved out to get away from her physically and mentally abusive self.
But he will always love her so I have to get along with her.
I was thiking about making her food but I invited he rover to dinner and she wont come over.
Such a weird lady.
Well, honestly, I wouldn't give her anything. She isn't your mom and she hates you.

See I like that idea, it would be way easier, but my boyfriend and I are a little, okay a lot on the broke side and I want it to be a nice gesture. Plus she bought be a valentines present. So i feel obligated.
Make her a card saying what a great mom she's been to have raised such a wonderful,great ,kind,helpful,ect, son. How can she not like it-it's praising her baby boy! What's she going to say-I wasn't such a great mom?He's not that special? She can't argue with it at all,hee hee. Good luck!
On Valentines Day I went over there and I pretty much told her how wonderful he is and how much my family likes him and she mumbled something sarcastic and just let out a fake laugh.
 
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« Reply #7 on: April 23, 2007 07:51:41 AM »

Could you plant something and give it to her in a pot with a note - Thank you for your son. He is a wonderful man - or something saccharine like that?
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« Reply #8 on: April 23, 2007 08:11:51 AM »

trust me, don't give her anything. she'll just find a way to hate it and make you feel bad about it

my bf's mom hates me too so i bought her a cute cow figurine when i was in india (NOT a religious statue) because she loves cows
and she hated it, refused to accept it and told every one i was giving her a blasphemous statue.

really not worth it.
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« Reply #9 on: April 23, 2007 09:37:28 AM »

I do like the plant idea, but Im afraid If I give her a plant she wont take care of it, and it will die.
But I am going creatively plant my mom some flowers.
Thanks for the idea's.
I think i would rather her talk about something she hats then something she didnt recieve.
Does that make sense?
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« Reply #10 on: April 25, 2007 04:04:41 PM »

I think i would rather her talk about something she hats then something she didnt recieve.
Does that make sense?

That makes sense to me (sadly enough, i totally get this).

Plus, if you are thinking longterm, then you want to give your relationship with HER its best shot. If it fails, let it be because of her, and not because you didn't try.

(And people who carp about presents they've received make themselves look bad.)

How about a flowering plant? Pretty hard for her to object to a flowering plant (although yes, a complainer can always find plenty to complain about). Ask your boyfriend what her favorite flowers/colors are, even if you are sure he doesn't know. That way you are on the record for having tried to please her. If she lets the plant die, don't interpret it. Her choice. (What if you gave an object? She could break it or toss it.... you see where I'm going? Try not worry about what she does or will do, so long as you've done something you feel is appropriate.)

As far as a card goes, I wouldn't get too personal, since she is so rejecting. Depending on what the situation is, you could even skip the card. If it were me and I were giving a card, I'd stick to as few words as possible.

Good luck! And i like this boyfriend who wants to do something about your relationship with his mother, especially if he can see what an uphill battle it is for you.

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« Reply #11 on: April 26, 2007 01:24:22 AM »

I do like the plant idea, but Im afraid If I give her a plant she wont take care of it, and it will die.

Cacti? Wink

My mum has loads of pot plants that she kind of waters now and again, somehow most manage to survive. I think the most successful is something that looks like a green rose (but it also kinda looks like a cactus-y / aloe-y plant with leaves that resemble a rose).

Sorry, I have a black thumb. No idea about plants.
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janesays
« Reply #12 on: April 26, 2007 04:19:49 PM »

I like the Midge-mo's idea.  Smiley

Also, you could buy a simple vase and just embellish it a little, or paint a bowl with a simple design.
Or something really impersonal like making her soap?
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« Reply #13 on: April 27, 2007 08:00:56 AM »

I like the Midge-mo's idea.  Smiley

Also, you could buy a simple vase and just embellish it a little, or paint a bowl with a simple design.
Or something really impersonal like making her soap?

ha what if she takes it like she stinks?
Okay any ideas on how to make her a little organization system, maybe for papers and or other little items?
Would that be stuid, I could put a few supplies in it, she is back in school.
Everything seems wrong but maybe that ould work. Just maybe
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« Reply #14 on: April 27, 2007 08:22:17 AM »

I think with boy boyfriend's mum, if she's determined not to like you, she won't like you. If I were you, I would put SOME effort into giving her a gift, but not so much that you would feel crushed if/when she badmouths it. Take the high road, as it were.
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« Reply #15 on: April 30, 2007 07:11:52 AM »

I think Im going to give her a plant, well plant her a plant in a nice pot, and decorate it, but I guess she loves plants but has a hard time keeping them alive.
So other then cacti, are there any other pretty flowers that can take a little abuse?
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HHjamie
« Reply #16 on: May 01, 2007 08:39:33 AM »

Uh, I've had this problem. Just make sure you get her something, or make some kind of gesture. It sounds like she will complain no matter what, but she will most likely be even more vocal if you do nothing! Plus, remember that usually someome not liking you has nothing to do with you and everything to do with their issues.

Hang in there!
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lwright311
« Reply #17 on: May 01, 2007 08:45:40 AM »

Go to the dollar store and get her something.  If she is going to hate it anyway, might as well save your time and money.
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catdaddytn
« Reply #18 on: May 01, 2007 08:53:48 AM »

I like the card idea for my MIL and we like each other.  Thanks for a good idea.  catdaddy
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« Reply #19 on: May 01, 2007 09:18:05 AM »

Make her a card saying what a great mom she's been to have raised such a wonderful,great ,kind,helpful,ect, son. How can she not like it-it's praising her baby boy! What's she going to say-I wasn't such a great mom?He's not that special? She can't argue with it at all,hee hee. Good luck!

I SO agree with everything in your post!  Every Father's Day I give my BF's 80+ yo old Dad a card stating that very thing: "Thank you for raising..."   Luckily, he is honestly a wonderful man! 

As far as your BF's "mother" being less than good:  I always say "Kill 'em with Kindness.."  You will always come out smelling like a rose by taking the high road, and your BF will always remember that you were never nasty to her even though she's horrid and abusive.  *Hmmm, call me manipulative, maybe...*
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« Reply #20 on: May 01, 2007 10:10:28 AM »

lol, well what are some types of flowers that I could plant other then cacti, that will ut up with someone without a green thumb, or is there such a thing.
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« Reply #21 on: May 01, 2007 10:30:47 AM »

silk flowers, paper flowers...  *I have BROWN thumb*
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« Reply #22 on: May 01, 2007 01:44:28 PM »

My favorite trick with boyfriend's moms that have sour attitudes is to pick something out (whatever it is) and have the boyfriend give it to her and say "happy mother's day" and after she coos about it, then he can tell her you picked it out (or made it.. whatever it happens to be).  HA!
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« Reply #23 on: May 02, 2007 07:25:38 AM »

My favorite trick with boyfriend's moms that have sour attitudes is to pick something out (whatever it is) and have the boyfriend give it to her and say "happy mother's day" and after she coos about it, then he can tell her you picked it out (or made it.. whatever it happens to be).  HA!
**clapping hands and laughing** gooooooooood one Cheesy
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« Reply #24 on: May 02, 2007 07:39:11 AM »

if you are going for the plant thing why not plant some herbs she can keep it in her kitchen windowsill and they would be useful, not to mention they grow so easily and take almost no looking after just a little water and light.
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shay8317
« Reply #25 on: May 02, 2007 08:13:51 AM »

I made my mother-in-law a jewelry box once. Ok I didn't make the box, but I did put of picture of her sons in it and re-wrapped it. Of course she is the type of woman that doesnt want new stuff and she will get rid of it.
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« Reply #26 on: May 08, 2007 08:59:03 PM »

Why not just get her a practical gift?  Everyone has a a favorite food or snack so I would maybe do a theme and put her favorite snack/everyday useful things???
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poseursteph
« Reply #27 on: May 08, 2007 09:04:28 PM »

Why not just get her a practical gift?  Everyone has a a favorite food or snack so I would maybe do a theme and put her favorite snack/everyday useful things???

I totally agree with this. Does she like movies? if so you could pick up a cheapo dvd/gift cert. to a movie rental place/gift card to movie theater, some microwavable popcorn, and some snacks all put into some sort of bucket or container.
*edit* though my idea is not very practical Smiley.
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Tenlover
« Reply #28 on: May 08, 2007 09:51:02 PM »

I think what serialdeviant was referring to is a Christmas cactus but they don't have green flowers. Anyway they are really pretty and my mom is addicted to them.
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« Reply #29 on: May 09, 2007 12:14:50 AM »

air plants are really neat. In temperate climates, if they can get a bit of light, they can pretty much live on nutrients in the air, though you need to water them about once a week. They bloom in the spring and have neat tropical blooms - plus, if they're happy, the bloom will last about 2-3 months, and then the airplant will grow "pups" (baby airplants!) out from the flower. Rosemary needs light, but it is VERY hardy, and not too pricey - plus tasty for cooking! It blooms with pale- to deep-blue flowers several times a year, if it's happy. If you live somewhere warm (southern US), you could try jasmine. I just put some in the garden 6 weeks ago. I water it a couple times ago (on the really hot days) and it has grown a foot and a half already. And it smells AMAZING! Other good houseplants are bromeliads. They are tropical and can thrive in low light, but are very colourful!

Here's another idea, though: maybe just make her some brownies from scratch or something? Or bake her some muffins or something and put a nice note in? You'll probably spend less than you would on a plant, so it's less of a loss if she doesn't like it, and it's maybe more personal? The way to many people's hearts is through their stomach! Maybe if you and your bf write/sign the note together, it also might help her to see that the two of you are a united front.

I've never had to deal with this, I totally feel for both of you. Best of luck! Don't give up! You never know when you might be the person to brighten someone else's day with your thoughtfulness!
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« Reply #30 on: May 09, 2007 04:13:34 AM »

I think what serialdeviant was referring to is a Christmas cactus but they don't have green flowers. Anyway they are really pretty and my mom is addicted to them.

I have one of these, the flowers bloom pink! They look like a regular suculant (sp? the cacti withouth the spikes) except around christmas time, then they bloom. I forget to water mine all the time and it's managed to not only stay alive but after the leaves started to wilt i put it in intensive care (okay, so i watered it all the time for a week straight) but it revives itself very easily.
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« Reply #31 on: May 09, 2007 12:58:02 PM »

Why not just get her a practical gift?  Everyone has a a favorite food or snack so I would maybe do a theme and put her favorite snack/everyday useful things???
I really like that idea I might actually go for that.
Like put her favorite candy ect.... in a bucket or giftbag...
I think im doing it

Thanks for all the ideas!!!
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« Reply #32 on: May 10, 2007 06:06:24 PM »

I second (fifth?) the idea of not giving her anything. She isn't your mom and if you have a bad relationship, it'll just make everything worse!

I mean, be a good person, give her something if you really want to, but I don't think it's necessary.

And bombgirl, I am so sorry! That sounds like it was horrible!
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« Reply #33 on: May 10, 2007 06:39:53 PM »

I so don't understand moms who hate their children's so. I have a son who has a girlfriend, she takes her cue about how to act towards me, from me! As long as my child is happy and not being smacked around or verbally abused....it's all good!

I can tell you that one of my favorite gifts was a container of bamboo. Really easy to care for, grows well and I enjoy it.

A movie box is nice too. Some candy, popcorn and a gift certificate for a movie would be nice I think. Let her pick out the movie.
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x0xmanda
« Reply #34 on: May 12, 2007 04:25:06 PM »


On Valentines Day I went over there and I pretty much told her how wonderful he is and how much my family likes him and she mumbled something sarcastic and just let out a fake laugh.
 

omg. sounds EXACTLY like something my dad's wife would do. ahhh i feel your pain.

what i do for christmas for my evil stepmom is get her something inexpensive and thoughtless. I mean, i gave her a gift, and she cant complain about that, and if she comes to me saying its bad, i can act like i thought she would really like it.

i got her $3.99 santa saltshakers from walmart (her mortal enemy) last year. YAY!
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« Reply #35 on: May 12, 2007 08:18:28 PM »

Why not just get her a practical gift?  Everyone has a a favorite food or snack so I would maybe do a theme and put her favorite snack/everyday useful things???
I really like that idea I might actually go for that.
Like put her favorite candy ect.... in a bucket or giftbag...
I think im doing it

Thanks for all the ideas!!!

thats what my boyfriends mom did for my birthday.
she thought i was crazy for liking sour candy
but in return, stocked me up with enough to last a year.
(she doesnt hate me though)
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« Reply #36 on: March 22, 2008 07:58:21 PM »

ah yes, the good old "my bfs mum hates me". its not always hate. its jealousy.and sadly sometimes it doesnt get any better. my dads mother hates my mum... and has done so for 22years now. at the end of the day keep trying, there will be people who see the stuff you give her (and make sure your vocal about it to his family ie I brought her that vase, isnt it pretty?) and who like it and realise shes just being selfish. If your mans worth it youll be fine. Good luck and dont take what she says to heart, shes found your weakness and will exploit it
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« Reply #37 on: April 07, 2008 11:15:40 AM »

Since you're not married, and you and she have a strained relationship, I second the "have him give her something" option.  I lucked out and love my MIL, but I do have a rather spiteful and manipulative stepmom...trick is, if I ignore her at holidays, I have to ignore my Dad, too, else she'll make his life a living hell (did I mention spiteful and manipulative?).  So I get her cards that wish her a happy whatever, and at the same time, don't say anything personal.  Every time I try to give her something I know she likes, she magically doesn't like that thing anymore.  So I give up.  If she wants to be miserable, that's her lot, not mine.  Encourage your boy to have the relationship he wants with her, remind him when her birthday is, and sign the card.  Oh, and if you dislike her as much as she dislikes you, don't invite her to dinner...that just makes you both miserable!  If anything, arrange a meal out, potentially with just your boy and her...play it like special time for the two of them, with your support and blessing.  Be the bigger person.

Good luck.
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« Reply #38 on: May 04, 2008 03:40:33 AM »

make her nothing!!! he is the one who has to give her something, so don't you worry about it  Wink
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