I don't know, Mom, just stick your finger in and see if it feels good.

[gamayun]

Or so I said in exasperation to my mother at the yarn store, as she was dithering over which yarn to have me make into a shawl for her.   

Fortunately she's used to me saying things like this - it's a trait I apparently inherited from her mother - so it didn't freak her out too much, but she did get a hearty chuckle at my expense. 

[cataway]

Sounds like me, yelling at my mother across 2 aisles "WHAT DO YOU NEED VASELINE FOR MOM!

[Queen of the Savages]

That is too hilarious for words.
Both of you.

[naelany]

That is too hilarious for words.
Both of you.

*chuckles* indeed

[StoryFromTheStars]

I do stuff like that all the time. With everyone.
It's quite fun, isn't it?

[Schnuckiputzi]

Unfortunately for my high school students, I tend to spout out stuff like this all the time. It tends to horrify them when their science teacher comes up with questions like, "Did it fizz?" spoken to a student finishing an experiment, but interpreted by a junior-high boy exiting the bathroom as questioning him about his...business. He about fainted, and I was weak with laughter.

[naelany]

Unfortunately for my high school students, I tend to spout out stuff like this all the time. It tends to horrify them when their science teacher comes up with questions like, "Did it fizz?" spoken to a student finishing an experiment, but interpreted by a junior-high boy exiting the bathroom as questioning him about his...business. He about fainted, and I was weak with laughter.

*chuckles* that's too funny

[that13 gurl13]

Unfortunately for my high school students, I tend to spout out stuff like this all the time. It tends to horrify them when their science teacher comes up with questions like, "Did it fizz?" spoken to a student finishing an experiment, but interpreted by a junior-high boy exiting the bathroom as questioning him about his...business. He about fainted, and I was weak with laughter.

lol wow// i owuld've died in embarrassment if i thought someoen was asking me that as i walked out of the potty

[Mishymishy]

Too awesome 

[porfavoray]

Same problem, getting yarn to make mummy dearest a scarf and hat. Eventually she decided on Homespun. Which is horrible smelling. Took a bloody half hour for her to decide. In A.C. Moore, no less!

[ms.scarlett]

I have quite the similar problem....
So I substitute teach in this inner city grammar school.  I have a class of seventh grade kids one period for Spanish and a kid refuses to come out of the closet (literally).  Now they are way too advanced for their age so without even thinking, I look at the girl who is telling the boy to get out of the closet and say, he's gay?        They didn't exactly know the reference of in the closet figuratively speaking.   

[lucastheboo]

OMG thats hilarious, I wish you could have subbed at my school. We always had this on narcoleptic woman who would fall asleep in class...the leave a freaking BAD note to the teacher...I hated that woman.

[bespectacled]

Ha I was in a Joann's slowly pacing the yarn aisle and feeling the yarn when this snobby sales lady started following me giving me dirty looks.
When I got back to my mom, who was with me, I loudly proclaimed, "Can I not fondle fuzzy balls in peace?!?"
Umm... yeaaaah..

[DancinInTheDark]

Unfortunately for my high school students, I tend to spout out stuff like this all the time. It tends to horrify them when their science teacher comes up with questions like, "Did it fizz?" spoken to a student finishing an experiment, but interpreted by a junior-high boy exiting the bathroom as questioning him about his...business. He about fainted, and I was weak with laughter.

  

[edenkitty]

It's amazing how often clean phrases sound just wrong. I was keeping a bunch of these in a folder for a while. =^..^=

[Retromiad]

I've gotten in trouble with the word "pants" since living in England.  To my mind they are trousers, but here in England they mean underwear, or panties.  I'm sure I am endlessly embarrassing friends by telling them I need new pants, or that I was working in the garden and got a hole in my pants.  lol

[xx_Kellybean]

this isn't really craft related, but i've got to jump in!

I work as an overnight stocker, and it's like no matter how hard you try NOT to be peverted, everything sounds like a sexual innuendo.

examples.

Jay and I are putting shelves up for an endcap:
me: Hey David, can you come help me and Jay make this fit?
David: what are you having problems with?
Jay: getting it in the hole obviously!

Jay asking me if I knew where those things are that hold the rods in closets.
Jay: hey kelly. do you know where that round thing is that the stick goes in?

and in infants, we have this metal bar so we can reach the diapers that go all the way to the back.
Taye: can you by any chance reach my stick from down there?

Or this one time I found a screw under my pallet jack.
me: Mike! I gotta screw!

Yeah. I love it! pretty sure all of our issues end up in some form of that.
or if our pallet jack won't go up, people laugh every time somebody says, "I can't get it up".

i love my work. this post just made me excited that I leave in half an hour

[Valiqa]

Unfortunately for my high school students, I tend to spout out stuff like this all the time. It tends to horrify them when their science teacher comes up with questions like, "Did it fizz?" spoken to a student finishing an experiment, but interpreted by a junior-high boy exiting the bathroom as questioning him about his...business. He about fainted, and I was weak with laughter.

lol. That's hilarious!

[LadyFiasco]

I'm making some curtains for my friend at the moment...
I asked her for the length of her rod...

yep.

nice.

even the word ring makes her giggle.

[Pinky Yarn]

My boyfriend and I were at a yarn store I'd never been to and they were a little stuck up. He and I don't exactly fit the demographic. A little yorkie ran up to him, and lets just say they aren't his favorite breed. He goes, oh hi, rat. Then a lady was like this is (can't remember the dog's name now) and my boyfriend goes, yeah, I house sat for a friend who had a yorkie, when he got back I told him he was glad his dog was still alive. She kept askin if I needed help like we were disturbing other customers, and there wasn't anyone else there.

Then he brought me a couple balls of yarn and he asked if it would be enough. I said no, for a willie warmer he'd need to grab one more. The look on the shop owner's face was priceless. That might have been because I think she thought I was his daughter, we get that a lot. 

[Aixbelle]

I've gotten in trouble with the word "pants" since living in England.  To my mind they are trousers, but here in England they mean underwear, or panties.  I'm sure I am endlessly embarrassing friends by telling them I need new pants, or that I was working in the garden and got a hole in my pants.  lol

Not craft related, but I love this.  I had a Scottish boyfriend for awhile. So I went to visit him, and his friends were having this big long conversation about playing "torch" tag when they were kids and visiting some friends in the States once.  And I was like, isn't that dangerous?  And they said, well, I guess if you trip in a hole or something.  And I said, well, what if someone gets burned?  That sounds really unsafe!

My boyfriend looks at me and says "torch means flashlight."  (Not, apparently, large flaming sticks.)  Oh god, how moronic.

[Imsleepy]

Ok.. again, not craft related, but definitely related to the topic. 

I used to answer E911 calls at the state police barracks here in VT.  I worked the night shift, and generally knew by sight most of our night time troopers.  One night I was outside on a cigarette break, and there were a bunch of troopers that I had never seen, bringing things into the area that they stored things (evidence, mainly.)  Trying to be friendly, and commenting on the unusually large number of officers there, I said, "Looks like a party" to one of them.  He didn't respond, just gave me a look.  I shrugged it off, figuring he had a bad day.  When I went back upstairs, I told my boss what had happened.  After about 5 minutes, when she was able to breathe again and stop laughing, she told me that they had just had one of the biggest drug busts in years, and they were bringing in the equipment that the drug dealers used to grow the pot and process the drugs. 

Have I mentioned that I'm kinda naive? 

[Le Mieux]

Then he brought me a couple balls of yarn and he asked if it would be enough. I said no, for a willie warmer he'd need to grab one more. The look on the shop owner's face was priceless. That might have been because I think she thought I was his daughter, we get that a lot. 

    

[Persephone Hazard]

I've gotten in trouble with the word "pants" since living in England.  To my mind they are trousers, but here in England they mean underwear, or panties.  I'm sure I am endlessly embarrassing friends by telling them I need new pants, or that I was working in the garden and got a hole in my pants.  lol

*That's* the thing you keep getting in trouble for? I still wince and recoil every time an American says 'fanny' before I remember...

[Retromiad]

The word fanny has always meant to me what it means in the UK, I don't know why some people think it means behind.  It may be a regional thing, or it may be because I grew up overseas.  I've never actually said that word out loud.  I never will.

[Persephone Hazard]

Really? It's always seemed to me to be a US-wide thing. Hmm. I wouldn't have any trouble with the discrepancy, only as it happens I really don't like the word at all - which is a great shame, as it's the most commonly used word for ladyparts here in the UK, much more common than any of the others! But oh, I hate it, and won't use it. Ugh.

[LaughingLark]

In Wisconsin, where I grew up at least, it was a quaint and old-fashioned way of saying "buttocks". Something an exasperated mom might say... "Get your "  " out of  bed and get ready for school." Until I got on the internet, I had know idea it was a vulgar word in the rest of the English-speaking world. I can't count all the times in the winters of my childhood that I was advised to be careful on the ice lest I fall on my...

 Years ago, my hubby and I used---um---"waist packs" to keep change in at craft fairs. I first found out the British meaning of the word when I went online to buy some new ones...with the American name.