I feel your angst!
I'm also planning a wedding on a budget. It's been a little overwhelming for me too. I'm still a student, and my fiance is paying down student loans. But we've been brainstorming together, and it's actually turned out to be fun...in a crazy brainteaser sort of way.
Etsy really is a great resource for inexpensive jewelry. You might think about checking them out for dresses too. Lots of vintage and handmade originals to.
As far as decor, we're making paper flowers instead of live ones. Way less money, and they keep better afterward. Check out this youtube user for great origami tutes: http://www.youtube.com/user/joostlangeveld
. Or, you could use Martha's tissue flowers:http://www.marthastewart.com/article/paper-flower-bouquet
We're also making our own very small, very basic sugar skulls for seating assignment/favors. Or you could make several larger ones to use centerpieces. They look great decorated or left blank. You can find kits, molds and directions online. Just google "sugar skulls" or "sugar skull molds." They'd be perfect for a Burton/black and white theme.
And along gourd lines...those little white pumpkins would be great. You could carve jack-o-lanterns for each table. How cute would that be!
We're opting for cupcakes. Easy to make and a lot less money than professionally made wedding cakes. And just as yummy! You could do white cake with black frosting, or devils-food cake with white frosting. Or both!
I see nothing wrong with eloping and throwing a big party. Or doing a small ceremony now, and a big reception once you've saved up the funds. It's all about what you and your fiance can/want to do. Don't let the man get you down! People have come up with all kinds of rules and regulations for weddings. I say poop on that! A wedding is a party that celebrates the love you have for one another. It should be fun, not stressful!