Ok, so the closer it gets to Halloween, the more my neighborhood has become beseiged by vampires. It's gotten so you can't step out to pick up a newspaper without a garlic necklace and a cross in your handbag. The worst part is, since they started to sparkle, even then daytime isn't safe.
So as I was driving my bright yellow, bulletproof, fangproof, humvee to the store yesterday I thought, "There must be a better way." After dispatching a couple of bloodsuckers in the Clamato aisle and another one in the parking lot (he looked like a box boy but I wasn't fooled) I drove home and on my porch I saw this:

A package. Curious and wary, I put on my hazmat suit and unwrapped it to find:

The box was ancient, worn. Could it contain the key to my salvation?

With trembling fingers I opened the scroll and read...
"The Blood of the Damned:
The Son of the Dragon,
The Prince of Darkness.
Dracula Himself.
Saved from the devastating
Fire that reduced his castle to ashes.
Given now to use as a
Weapon Against the Dark.”
There was a secret compartment and within lay the greatest weapon the world has ever known:

Taste the Blood of Dracula!
“Drink and become the undead, in order to fight the undead,” it urged. “The mirror on the back of this tin will gauge your progress into Damnation.”
Could this be the answer? Could I rid myself of the plague by becoming one of *them*? It seemed perfectly logical. So I downed the vial in one gulp. It burned like fire, it froze my veins like ice! I clutched my throat and rolled dramatically upon the floor and when I arose I turned over the box and looked in the mirror…

It was true, I had become like they are. I was able to fly. I looked backward and said goodbye. Now it is I who rules the night. It is I whom *they* must fear! My transformation is complete! Mwahahahaha!
And it is crendon whom I must thank. I hope when I visit her tonight she will be kind enough to invite me in.
The End?