I think it looks good, except for the pocket. Since it gapes open it messes with the silhouette. The problem, though, is removing it without it leaving a "ghost". Or, maybe you could put trim on it and sew it down.
I made my daughter's announcements two years ago. I found a rubber stamp for the outside. On the inside I made a little, one page book with info about what she'd been up to and where she was going to college. She was an exchange student in Australia and wasn't going to be in town for her commencement. On the opposite page I made a removable card with a photograph of her with a koala [better than her official photo] with her name printed below. I didn't use them, but you can order miniature tassels in your school colors from stationery companies. Just think about what expresses you as a young person about to hit the world.