ok so first things first, i'll show the painting!
WARNING: I'm not by any means any sort of artist, and I SUCK at painting/drawing..but it's a quick fast cheap way to get my feelings out in some sort of way..
painted with dollar store acrylic paint on dollar store canvas..used sharpies for spots..and all covered with a layer of glossy-ish mod podge..
on to the pic..
now the back story..it's long
and I'm rambling..but that's what i do!
and to be honest I sort need to rant a lil
the summary: the robot is me..doing what i'm told and not thinking for myself..as my family made me/want me to be..but I also have a heart..hidden most of the time..but i open up and show it whenever I can..the dark mess is the effect of my family, coming at me from every direction trying to close up on me..and the lil white corner is my way out..and 'one day' ill get to go out through that white corner and show the whole world that I'm not rlly a robot!
the details u should prolly skip:
I come from a family who keeps telling me that they're the ONLY people who are gonna ever love me unconditionally
..... as long as I follow our 'culture and traditions'..and as long as it's not a choice between me and my brother (u know..the boy)..cuz he's a 'man' and he knows more (we're comparing between a 22 yr old guy with a highschool diploma..not going to any sort of school..doesn't work..and gets my parents to pay his 1500+ credit card bills every month..and an 18 yr old girl in her 2nd yr of engineering, with 'field-related' jobs all yr round, pays for her own tuition and all)
I'm also not allowed to do anything..dating is a big NO! especially if I'm dating a 'white boy' who doesn't believe in 'our' (translate : their) religion. I'm also not allowed to move out, or stand up for myself against my brother, or have any opinion rlly about anything.. and if I do any of that stuff, I'm not there daughter anymore!(to put it simply).. unconditional..heh
so..that's my lil family..and how it is..which is represented there by the dark purple/black mess coming at me from almost every direction..
so to live my life happily and to stay with my awesome bf of a yr and a half (that they know nothing about) I'm going to have to run away and disappear and hope they never find me(if I don't wanna get hurt)..at some point..when I'm ready.. which is the lil corner that the big mess didn't get to (yet?)..
so there I'm the robot..not thinking for myself..and doing only what i'm told (which is what my family is doing to me)..but the robot has a heart..even if it's hidden..and it opens up to show it's heart whenever it could.. and "one day" it'll get out of there and show the whole world that it's not rlly a robot..
and 'one day' is very appropriate since it's rlly like a trademark to the conversatoins I have with my bf
"one day we'll get to do this" or "dont worry..one day you'll get out of there"..
u r prolly not reading anymore..but ..THANKS! for letting me rant and let it out